


Mysteries of the Heart and Other Hijinks

by lalagirl16



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: M/M, Post canon, and also a hint of angst because i cant fucking resist, did i say a hint i meant a fuck ton, lots of misunderstandings, mediocre poetry within, possible breaking and entering but in the name of friendship, proof that i can write funny stuff sometimes and not just heart wrenching angst, rich is a cryptid, the squad arent quite friends yet they have to be gay do crimes first, where stalking is just how friends bond, yall thots ever read othello
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2019-09-11 21:16:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 30,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16860445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lalagirl16/pseuds/lalagirl16
Summary: It was the little things, really. Small details that would seem inconsequential to anyone else that led Michael to form his hypothesis. The way Jeremy smiled a little easier, a sort of contentment in his expression that he seldom found on his perpetually nervous best friend. He was walking taller too. Granted, he’d been doing that since he got (and then got rid of) the Squip, but that walking was still and inhuman. Jeremy’s walk now almost held an air of confidence. The most obvious clue was that he was no longer staring at Christine with longing eyes as he had been ever since she gently turned him down. Every bit of Jeremy which used to have a pure earnestness beneath the surface was replaced with a soft air of satisfaction.So, he had to be fucking someone.





	1. Mystery Science Fuckbuddy 3000

It was the little things, really. Small details that would seem inconsequential to anyone else that led Michael to form his hypothesis. The way Jeremy smiled a little easier, a sort of contentment in his expression that he seldom found on his perpetually nervous best friend. He was walking taller too. Granted, he’d been doing that since he got (and then got rid of) the Squip, but that walking was still and inhuman. Jeremy’s walk now almost held an air of confidence. The most obvious clue was that he was no longer staring at Christine with longing eyes as he had been ever since she gently turned him down. Every bit of Jeremy which used to have a pure earnestness beneath the surface was replaced with a soft air of satisfaction. 

So, he had to be fucking someone. 

Of course, Michael had to admit there were some glaring holes in his theory. 

  1. Jeremy would tell him something like that
  2. Jeremy would have to seduce a girl, which seemed very unlikely
  3. Jeremy would _tell him something like that_
  4. Seriously, if Jeremy was really having sex, Michael would be the first to know



It was for all these reasons that Michael was side-eyeing Jeremy every few seconds as they sat at lunch with a few assorted cooler kids who had invited them to form a pseudo-friend group. To the untrained Jeremy observer, it would just look like a good mood. He seemed to be sharing a pleasant conversation with Jenna Rolan about some upcoming Marvel movie. Michael would join in if he wasn’t so focused on theorizing. Jeremy’s phone buzzed next to him. Michael leaned over as subtly as he could to catch a glimpse. It was an unsaved number…the message read “Hey don’t forget to do your homework!” 

Jeremy shut his phone off, just a little too quickly and stood up.

“Where are you going?” Christine asked, pulling out an earbud. 

“I just have some homework to finish before next period,” Jeremy said, scratching the back of his head. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow?” The group let out an assortment of goodbyes as Jeremy grabbed his backpack and headed off down the hallway, towards the library.  _ If he really does have a fuckbuddy,  _ Michael thought,  _ he’s way better at hiding it than I gave him credit for.  _ But of course, he wouldn’t have a secret fuckbuddy because he wouldn’t keep secrets from his best friend. Maybe from the others, who weren’t exactly their “friends” yet, but he’d never keep something like that secret from Michael, especially considering how fragile their friendship was. 

“Okay. Who’s fucking Jeremy?” Chloe demanded after a minute. Brooke and Jake stopped their conversation, Jenna paused mid-tweet, and Christine just sort of raised her eyebrows incredulously. Michael scoffed. 

“You think Jeremy…  _ Jeremy Heere _ … has a fuckbuddy?” he asked. 

“Duh,” she said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “Can’t you guys tell? He’s acting less tightly wound -- that means someone screwed him.” 

“Yeah, no,” Michael cut in. “Your argument has merit, but you forget that Jeremy tells me everything. So, obviously, he’s not _. _ ”

“Like he told you about the computer in his head?”

“Below the belt, Valentine.”

“But really, don’t tell me you haven’t noticed. I mean, since when did Jeremy care about homework that much? Did you see that unsaved number?”

“Yeah, I’ve seen him getting texts from an unsaved number before!” Christine cut in. “He was helping me organize the prop room last week after school and he just left early because he got a text from an unsaved number asking if he was free to work on a project.”

“Like a group project?” Brooke asked. “That isn’t too weird. He probably just has a friend in the class.”

“Nah, I’ve used the group project cover-up before,” Jake cut in. “I think Chloe’s right. Heere might be getting some.”

“Thank you!” Chloe said. “It’s really suspicious if you ask me. And have you noticed how disgustingly happy he seems? Boys always look that happy after good sex. That’s why Jake looks so sad today.” She turned to him and gave him a mock sad face.

“My legs are broken!” Jake protested. 

“You’ll find a way,” Chloe shot back. 

“I don’t know…” Christine said after a couple moments of silence. “Do you really think Jeremy would sneak around like that? And I really don’t think Jeremy would just hook up with a girl he doesn’t know… so if he’s sleeping with anyone, we’d know because it’d be one of his friends.” She looked around the table. “And… I think this is pretty much it.” Michael nodded to confirm. Christine did make a good point… _ I mean, he did date Brooke for a while _ . Then he looked up and noticed that everyone’s eyes were on him.

“What.”

“We’re not gonna judge, bro!” Jake said with a smile. “You and Jeremy have been friends for a while, and it’s perfectly natural to-”

“I’m not fucking him!” Michael practically screeched. “Why would you think that?”

“Come on, Michael,” Jenna said with a snort. “Really?”

“Where is all this coming from?” Michael asked. “Why attack me with your questions? What about Brooke? She dated him!” He pointed a finger across the table at the girl in question. 

“I’m not sleeping with him,” Brooke said indignantly, turning back to her sandwich. “And if I was, I wouldn’t try to hide it. Why not go after Jake? He sleeps with everything with a pulse.”

“You guys suck,” Jake laughed, rolling his eyes. “It’s not me. And besides, I’m pretty sure Heere doesn’t swing that way.” He turned to Michael with questioning eyes, waiting for him to confirm or deny it, but Michael could only shrug. Jeremy had never told him about any sort of sexuality crisis and had never shown explicit interest in boys. 

“No… I didn’t sleep with him! Please, stop asking!” Jenna called out sarcastically from the end of the table. 

“Sorry…” Brooke said. Michael tapped his fingers on his leg as he thought it over. He was sitting with literally every girl that Jeremy knew well enough to sleep with. And if he wasn’t sleeping with any of them, then obviously he wasn’t sleeping with anyone. Maybe it was just all in his head. Then again… Chloe had agreed with him. And she seemed to be well-versed in the art of scheming and observing. 

“I’ll ask him,” Michael finally said, hoping to conclude the conversation. “And that’ll clear this all up.”

“Great!” Jake said. “Then tell us everything you learn.” Chloe, Brooke, and Jenna nodded in approval. Even Christine, through her disappointed look, gave a sort of curious smile. 

“Damn,” Michael said, standing up to dump his tray. “We’re scheming and gossiping. It’s almost like we’re becoming a real friend group.”

 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

 

He saw Jeremy again in Chemistry, and by some benevolent miracle, it was a lab day. Which meant he had plenty of time to chat Jeremy up about some of his recent activities. 

“Can you hand me the chemical...thing?” Jeremy said as he adjusted the bunsen burner. 

“The magnesium?” Michael asked with a smirk. Jeremy rolled his eyes and took the tiny container from Michael. “So, what have you been up to?” Michael asked as casually as he could. “You seem to be leaving lunch a lot to do schoolwork.” Jeremy nearly dropped the container. 

“Uh, yeah!” he stuttered out in a poorly-disguised panic. “You know how it goes… they hit you hard with lots of tests after winter break.” He avoided Michael’s gaze and focused on scooping magnesium into the crucible. 

“You can do your homework at the table, you know,” Michael pressed, walking downs Jeremy and pulling his lab goggles down over his glasses. “Is it working?”

“I think it needs to be hotter…” Jeremy mumbled. “And what did you say?”

“Do your work at the table. We’re trying to make friends, remember?” Jeremy, again, seemed to panic, accidentally turning the top of the bunsen burner the wrong was and extinguishing the flame. Michael sighed and retrieved the matches once again. 

“I just concentrate better without people there, is all!” Jeremy said quickly. “I’m not avoiding anyone or anything. Why would I even do that? I mean, you guys are literally all my friends, so why would I ever be anywhere else?” He gave Michael a weak smile. 

“Right. Yeah…” Michael said. He lit the bunsen burner once again and they resumed working in silence. Jeremy had all but confirmed it.

Something was definitely going on. And he was going to get to the bottom of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gee i wonder who this mysterious stranger could be its not like its in the tags or something 
> 
> anyway i dont know what this is but it sure is fun to write


	2. On Julius Caesar

Jeremy hurried down the hall, grateful for the distraction. When he got the text, he had immediately left Chemistry on a “bathroom break”, which was a blessing because it gave him a break from Michael’s weirdly nosey mood. But it was probably nothing to worry about… there was no way Michael was onto him.  _ Unless he is. No, there’s no way. I’m being careful. _

He pushed open the rarely-used double doors at the back of the hallway that led to a secluded place behind the school. Jeremy took a breath in and let the fresh air fill his lungs. When he released the breath, all the tension of the day released with it. 

He stopped in front of the back wall of the school, leaning against it and savoring the texture of the cool brick on his back. It was so perfect out there. So peaceful and open and quiet. The only thing missing was...

“Hey, cute-ass.”

Jeremy turned his head towards the familiar voice and broke out into a wide grin. He rushed toward Rich in a hurry and threw his arms around him in a tight hug.

“Ow...ow…” Rich winced out. Jeremy jumped back and Rich began delicately rubbing his arms. Jeremy cringed. He really shouldn’t have forgotten about the burn scars, even if they were covered up by the long sleeves of Rich’s flannel. 

“Sorry!” Jeremy said. “I didn’t mean to-”

“I know you didn’t,” Rich finished for him. “I’m okay. Really.” Jeremy searched Rich’s eyes, but he really did look fine. So Jeremy allowed himself to smile again and he moved towards Rich again and carefully brushed his messy hair out the way to kiss his forehead. 

“I missed you,” Jeremy said. He leaned in again and kissed Rich properly, turning his head for the best angle like they’d been practicing. Rich reciprocated and used a hand to trace Jeremy’s jaw teasingly. When they pulled away, they were both silent for a minute, appreciating the otherworldly feeling that followed every kiss. It was almost like Jeremy could still feel the warmth of Rich’s breath slipping in through their connected lips. 

Rich grabbed Jeremy’s head and led him over the wall, where they both sat, hands linked. It was a wonderful day to just sit and cherish the calm of the outdoors. Rich closed his eyes contently, taking in the soft glow of the sun over the trees. He shifted a bit and laid his head on Jeremy’s shoulder, fitting comfortably there. Jeremy could hardly focus on anything other than the sounds of their breaths moving in tandem. 

Rich had changed a lot. So much that Jeremy had a hard time connecting this Rich to the one he thought he’d known all of sophomore year -- the terrifying “cool” Rich. That Rich had died along with the Squips. And he seemed determined to keep it that way. 

Jeremy just wished he could believe that Rich was embracing his old self out of self-acceptance and free-will instead of using it to hide. As far as they both knew, no one really knew that Rich was even back at school. He didn’t gel his hair back anymore and the red streak had mostly faded out. Rich had brought his old glasses back into use. He wore long-sleeved flannels and hoodies to cover his burns and muscular frame and kept his head down. Jeremy wouldn’t be surprised if he was the only one Rich talked to because of the lisp. 

“Hello? Is Jeremy home?” Jeremy blinked and snapped back to reality. Rich was gazing up at him with a small smile. 

“Just thinking.”

“Yeah?” Rich asked. “About what?”

“The library of Alexandria,” Jeremy responded sarcastically. “So much knowledge...lost forever.”

“Hey, don’t joke about that!” Rich teased. “I’m still not over it. I think about it sometimes and it makes me all depressed.”

“It was over two thousand years ago,” Jeremy said.

“Damn you, Caesar. Bastard deserved to be stabbed for burning that place down.”

“Maybe,” Jeremy laughed. “But did he deserve to be stabbed in a circle by all his closest friends like that?” Rich nuzzled into Jeremy’s neck. 

“Mmhm,” Rich hummed out. “Don’t fuck with literature. It’ll bite you in the ass.” Rich sat up and coaxed Jeremy’s face so it was turned towards his once again. “And we can’t have that. You know I love your ass.”

“Wow. How smooth. Take me,” Jeremy deadpanned. Rich stuck out his tongue at him, so Jeremy swiped Rich’s glasses off his face in retaliation. Rich just shook his head and chuckled, sweeping some stray hairs out of his face. It was strange… without the glasses and dirty blonde hair falling in his eyes, he almost looked like the old Rich. But the difference was the life in his eyes that hadn’t been there before. The burn scars that crept up the left side of his face may have struck some people as unattractive, but Jeremy could only focus on the way the scars detailed the shape of Rich’s face and brought out the pink tinge in his cheeks. 

“If you keep looking at me like that, I’m going to have to kiss you again,” Rich said. Jeremy passed Rich his glasses and sighed happily. 

“I’m not opposed to that.”

Rich out his glasses on again and leaned towards Jeremy, turning so his hand was flat on the wall as he met Jeremy’s lips slowly and sweetly. Jeremy let his back go flat against the wall, where Rich was essentially pinning him. Rich eventually moved from Jeremy’s lips to his cheeks and neck, kissing every inch of his skin softly. 

“Okay, okay, slow down, there,” Jeremy said through a nervous laugh. Rich pulled away and smiled sheepishly. “I don’t want to go back to class with a hard-on.” 

“Well… you don’t  _ have  _ to,” Rich said, stroking Jeremy thigh with his hand. “I mean, you do know this is Brooke’s favorite place behind the school, right?”

“Well, yeah…” Jeremy said, looking confused. “Wait...did she mean that like…”

“This is the designated BJ spot, Jer.”

“We’ve been meeting in the BJ spot?” Jeremy practically shrieked. He instantly scooted away from the wall, shuddering. 

“Well, for  _ us, _ it’s the talking spot,” Rich said, running his hands through his hair. “You know we don’t have to do anything. That’s not… that’s not why I love spending time with you.”

“I know,” Jeremy said. He turned to face Rich and smiled. “God, we’re losers. Using the blowjob spot for talking.”

“I like talking,” Rich said quietly. He reached for Jeremy’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “I missed being able to talk for real.”

“I love when you talk to me,” Jeremy said. “Which is weird because I never would have thought that someone who thought ‘tall-ass’ was a creative insult would have such a way with words.”

“I should have given my Squip some constructive criticism on the bullying,” Rich said dryly. “It could have been artistic assholery.” 

“There was that one time with the glitter,” Jeremy noted.

“Oh yeah… sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize.”

“...okay.” Rich leaned in Jeremy and released a breath. Above them, the sound of the school bell rang out and echoed over the grass. Students started to pour out of the front door, milling around towards the parking lot and the buses. Rich quickly stood up and took a few steps back from Jeremy. 

“I should go,” he said quickly, his eyes darting around nervously. “But I uh...wrote you something. It’s not that good… I mean it’s… I… here.” Rich pulled a neatly-folded piece of notebook paper out of his back pocket and handed it to Jeremy. Jeremy took it, starting to unfold it, his heart practically flooding with curiosity. 

“Oh my god, don’t read it in front of me!” Rich said. “It’s embarrassing…”

“Embarrassing?” Jeremy repeated. “Is it a sappy love poem or something?” Rich didn’t say anything, his eyes fixed on his shoes. 

“Maybe.”

“Oh.” Jeremy flushed, his hand trembling a bit as he tucked the poem into his outer sweater pocket.  _ He wrote me a love poem? So maybe this is as real for him as it is for me…  _ “I can’t wait to read it,” Jeremy said. 

Jeremy’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He took it out and saw that he had a text in the newly-made group chat of acquaintances (that was currently called “Ecstasy Anonymous”). 

 

|From: Brooke| hey guys meet up at my car or michaels if you wanna get froyo! <3

 

|From: Michael|  go to my car if you want good music

 

|From: Michael|  btw jeremy you better be there or i’ll assume youre dead

 

|From: Jenna|  f

 

Jeremy shut his phone off and stuffed it in his pocket. 

“You gonna go hang out with them?” Rich asked, not quite meeting Jeremy’s eyes.

“Yeah… I think so.” Rich nodded but didn’t say anything. Jeremy felt a knot forming in his stomach when he saw Rich’s eyes cloud with regret and bitterness. “You could come too, you know,” Jeremy added softly.

“Are you serious?” Rich snapped with a humorless laugh. “No. There’s a reason I avoid them at all costs and hide myself. Because everyone thinks I’m crazy. It’s easier to just finish the semester then transfer. None of them should have to think about me.”

“I’m not going to tell them about you,” Jeremy said, placing a hand on Rich’s shoulder reassuringly. “I promise. But I think they miss you. Or they will if you just explain things to them.”

Rich swallowed and flinched away from Jeremy’s touch. He crossed his arms and rubbed gently at the scarred tissue hidden underneath his long sleeves. 

“I’m not ready,” he said eventually. “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready.” 

Jeremy understood Rich’s hesitance, he really did. But seeing Rich so cut off from the world was scary. Almost as terrifying as that fact that all Rich’s happiness seemed to be staked on him and him alone. Jeremy said goodbye to Rich and walked towards the parking lot with a sigh.  _ One day, he’ll come with me. One day, we won’t have to hide. But until that day comes, we can be happy this way.  _

 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

 

When Jeremy sat down with his chocolate frozen yogurt, he got that odd feeling his anxiety would sometimes spring on him that everyone was looking at him.  _ Don’t be stupid,  _ he told himself.  _ You’re fine. You’re not terrible: you’re okay.  _ Feeling a little bit better, Jeremy finally looked up from the table to look at the group and…

_ Oh my god, they’re all looking at me. Like for real.  _

“What?” he asked, shrinking a bit into his sweater.

None of them responded, but he saw Jake and Chloe share a solemn nod, and Jake slid something over to him from across the table. 

“Gah! What the fuck?” Jeremy yelled. A bored looking Pinkberry employee sent Jeremy a death glare. Jeremy could feel his face heating up as he stared down at the small pile of condoms in front of him.

“Listen, Heere,” Jake started, looking at him kindly. “We’ve just been noticing that-”

“We know you’re getting pussy, Jerry,” Chloe cut in matter-of-factly. “Just make sure that you’re safe about it.” Jeremy choked on the air and looked around the table. Everyone but Christine was nodding in approval, even Michael, the traitor. 

“Wha-what?” Jeremy stammered out. “I’m not-I mean...why would you..I’m nOT-”

“Guys, leave him alone!” Christine protested. “I didn’t know you guys were gonna gang up on him like this? Michael, you were supposed to ask him in private!”

“Where’s the drama in that?” Michael asked.

“Is it Madeline?” Brooke asked, grabbing his hand and looking concerned. “Because if an ex cheats on you, it’s just really not worth it to take them back.”

“I’m not sleeping with anyone!” Jeremy stammered out. “I swear! Why would you think that?”

“Because you disappear all the time,” Jenna pointed out. “And I can tell. You can’t be the number one source of gossip in school if you can’t read people.”  _ Oh dear god, they’re onto me.  _

“I just leave to do homework!” Jeremy said. “I have a lot of catch up on from when I was in the hospital.”

“Yeah, me too, dude,” Jake said. “But I still sit with the group at lunch and shit.”

“And,” Michael cut in, “you left for the bathroom during Chemistry today and never came back. That’s pretty suspicious.” 

“I’m serious! I’m not sleeping with anyone!” Jeremy protested.

“Where do you go then?” Michael pressed. “Are you fighting crime?” Michael looked around and leaned forward to whisper in Jeremy’s ear. “Are you Spiderman?”

“No,” Jeremy said. “Though I think we both know that’s more likely than me having a secret fuckbuddy. Why would I lie to you guys?” No one had a response to that, but Jeremy saw Michael roll his eyes and give an exasperated sigh. 

“He said no, guys,” Christine said, coming to his rescue yet again. “I think we should all drop it now.” Thankfully, no one objected, though Chloe and Jenna kept eyeing him as they all ate their frozen yogurt and made small talk.  _ Crisis averted… I hope. _

“Shit!” Brooke yelped. Jeremy registered her voice just before he felt his whole front get drenched with Brooke’s La Croix. He quickly stood up from the table and stripped his cardigan which had, thankfully, absorbed most of the liquid, leaving his t-shirt mostly dry. 

“Here, let me help,” Michael said. Jeremy handed him the sweater as Michael grabbed napkins and helped Jeremy pat down his shirt and wipe up the puddle on the table. Brooke grabbed some napkins and helped mop up the drink, apologizing profusely. 

“That worker is staring at us,” Jake said. “We should probably leave.”

“Yeah, fine by me,” Jeremy said. They all filed out the door, Jenna pausing to hold the door for Jake as he wheeled behind the rest of the group. Jeremy shivered a bit without his sweater in the cool November air but was pleased when Christine jogged up to walk beside them as they all migrated to the mall, which was a short walk away. 

“Jeremy, I’m so so sorry we invaded your privacy like that,” she said quietly.

“It’s okay-”

“I tried to talk them out of it but-”

“It’s okay, Christine. It’s cleared up now, right? This is the last we’ll probably hear of it.”

Christine nodded and smiled up at him, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. Jeremy shivered again as a harsh wind snuck over the buildings and rustled the trees. He should get his sweater back from Michael… he turned to look back but only saw Jenna, Jake, Chloe, and Brooke trailing behind them.

“Where’d Michael go?” Jeremy asked.

“He said he had stuff to do,” Chloe shrugged. “I think he took your sweater with him.” Jeremy scowled. That definitely wasn’t ideal, but he could get it back the next day at school. It wasn’t really a big deal at all.

“Here, you can borrow mine,” Jake said from behind him, handing Jeremy his jacket. Jeremy nodded in thanks and smiled. The confrontation of sorts was weird, but somehow, these popular kids weren’t that scary. It seemed like they would become a tight-knit group of friends with a bit more time, which was something Jeremy didn’t realize he was missing in his life. Thank god the “secret fuckbuddy” thing had blown over. If any of them started to catch on to Jeremy’s sneaking around, it might scare Rich off. 

And Jeremy didn’t know if he could deal with that.    


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) 
> 
> wow i cant believe the conflict's over in two chapters
> 
> :)


	3. The Art of Interpreting Poetry

Michael sighed as he lugged his backpack up the stairs to his bedroom, the weight of the whole damn day collapsing on his shoulders.  _ Tomorrow’s really another whole 24 hours, isn’t it? _ He tossed Jeremy’s sweater onto his bed and threw his backpack into the corner of his room. He’d deal with homework later. As much as he enjoyed having other people to talk to, having friends (or acquaintances or whatever) was exhausting. All the scheming came naturally to him, but small talk was where Michael reached his limits. 

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and ran a hand through his hair. He had to send a text to Jeremy to apologize for… all that.  _ Geez, since when was I so paranoid about what Jeremy’s keeping from me?  _

_ Oh. Oh right. _

Still, he figured he ought to apologize. It really was all in his head and he’d embarrassed his best friend out of paranoia and a love for drama. But first, he was definitely gonna pose with the sweater in some snapchats. He walked over and snatched up the sweater in a quick swipe, but as he was turning to head over to the mirror for said selfies, he caught the movement of a folded piece of paper fluttering to the floor. He didn’t really know why he paid it any mind. It could have been anything - a page of homework, class notes, something Jeremy spat his gum into… 

But Michael picked it up. 

 

_ Freckles _

 

Brown and scattered

Little patches of you

Playful and soft

Clumsy and caring

 

Forming constellations

Forging a path 

To those ocean eyes

Teasing my lips

 

Making a pattern

A unique design

That compliments you

In ways I wish to

 

Breaking the symmetry

Showing your flaws

So I can love all those too

 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

 

New Group Created with Jake Dillinger, Chloe Valentine, Brooke Lohst, Jenna Rolan, and Christine Canigula: Untitled Chat

 

Rename Chat?

 

Chat renamed “The Plot Thickens”

 

|From: Michael|  meet up at my house in 2 hours. Don't tell Jeremy. I found something interesting

 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

 

Approximately two hours later, four very confused teens filed into Michael’s room, where he was rubbing his hands together in anticipation. They’d all arrived together, with no Jeremy in sight. Jake had texted that he was stopping at home to get his pain medication, and would be there shortly. Just as instructed. Excellent.

“Ladies. Do you know why I’ve called you here?” Michael addressed them as they settled in, Chloe leaning against the wall, Jenna and Brooke on his bed, and Christine in his revolving desk chair. 

“No,” Chloe said, rolling her eyes. “You were pointedly cryptic about it.”

“Are you mad at Jeremy?” Christine asked, looking at Michael as she rotated back and forth slowly in the chair. “Because I really hate to hang out without him. It feels really mean of us.” Michael gave a small laugh.

“This isn’t a hangout, Christine. It’s a strategy meeting. You didn’t tell Jeremy, did you?”

“Well, no but-”

“I promise, I’m not mad at him. But he is hiding something from all of us. And this time, I have proof.”

“Proof?” Jenna asked, sitting up a little straighter. “That he’s fucking someone?” Then she cringed, eyeing him warily. “The proof isn’t...pictures...is it?” 

“Geez, Rolan, what kind of sicko do you think I am?” Michael protested. “You’ve known me for at least three weeks. We eat lunch together. I thought we had a connection.”

“So, what is this “proof” then?” Brooke asked. 

“I’m glad you asked,” Michael said, reaching into his hoodie pocket and producing a paper. “Take a look at this.” He passed Brooke the poem he’d found in Jeremy’s sweater pocket and watched as the girls huddled to get a closer look at it. 

“It’s… a poem?” Christine asked. “Jeremy wrote a poem?”

“ _ Not  _ Jeremy,” Michael corrected. “Jeremy’s lover. Read it! It’s obviously about him.” Chloe hummed in distaste as her sharp eyes scanned the penciled lines yet again. 

“You sure? I’d hate to make this a whole thing based off a piece of false evidence,” Chloe said. She gestured for the poem and Brooke passed the sheet of paper to her. “If you ask me, we can’t really be sure he didn’t just write it himself. Or that it’s not part of an assignment or something.”

“Well, it’s not his handwriting,” Michael said. “And I’ve known him for over 12 years: he can’t write for shit. I think we were onto something before, and we finally have evidence!”

“Well...okay…” Christine said carefully, folding her hands in her lap and she pushed off the ground and let the chair roll back over to where it originally was by the desk. “So maybe you’re right. Maybe Jeremy has a secret “lover” or whatever you call it. But don’t you think we should just let Jeremy tell us when he’s ready?”

“God, that’d take  _ forever _ ,” Michael groaned. “I don’t want to wait around for Jeremy to work up the guts and I’m getting bored of just going through the motions at school. Remember when I fought computer zombies?”

“Yes,” Brooke said tiredly. “You keep reminding us.”

“ _ We  _ were said computer zombies,” Jenna added. “So yeah, I think I remember it pretty well.”

“Nothing  _ fun  _ is happening anymore!” Michael said. “Come on, guys. I need crazy shit in my life again and you all can’t seriously tell me you aren’t curious. Don’t you wanna help out your old buddy Michael?” 

“Hey, I was with you from the start,” Chloe said. “I’m the one who brought it up first. Shouldn’t I be leading the investigation?”

“Over my dead fucking body, Valentine.”

“Fair enough.”

“Honestly, Michael, I’m still not convinced that you’re not the one fucking him,” Brooke said with a smirk. “I wouldn’t put a plan this elaborate and convoluted past you.”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Michael said. “Just pin it on the gay guy! Because that makes sense! If I’m into dudes, it _must_ mean I’m pining after whoever’s dick is closest! Real creative, there.” 

“Sorry…” Brooke trailed off, holding up her hands in mock surrender. 

“It’s fine,” Michael said, sighing into his hand. “I know you’re just joking. It’s just I’ve had to deal with people assuming shit like that since I came out. I mean, you-know-who vandalized our backpacks two months ago and I still have to carry it around.” Michael let out a breath and drew his hands away from his face, having calmed down. Brooke still looked guilty so he smiled at her.

“It’s really okay. You didn’t mean any harm by it. And hey! Help me with my crazy scheme, and I’ll forgive you in record speed.” Brooke offered out a hand professionally, and Michael shook it. 

“I’m in too,” Jenna said, looking down at her phone. “If anyone cares.”

“Of course we care,” Chloe said. “Your gossip skills make the CIA cry little bitch tears.”

“That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” Jenna said.

“Everyone’s in then?” Michael asked. He turned to address the only silent member of the group, who was still sitting thoughtfully with her arms crossed. 

“I don’t want to invade Jeremy’s privacy…” she started. “But I guess I’m in.” Michael gave a whoop of delight and the Brooke and Jenna high-fived each other. “But only so I can keep you guys under control!” she added. 

“Jake’s obviously going to be up for it,” Michael said. “Because he’s fun. So… alright! Time to lay down the facts.”

“This is all still technically speculation,” Jenna pointed out. 

“Shhh…” Michael said, holding up a finger to shush her. “Okay, so. Here’s some things we need to keep in mind as we search for Jeremy’s mysterious fuckbuddy. Number one: As Christine pointed out at lunch today, Jeremy wouldn’t fuck someone he doesn’t know. And I agree with that. It would be pretty out of character for him to just hook up, but I don’t think we should exclude the possibility entirely.”

“He could have just met someone on his own,” Brooke said. 

“Yeah, Jeremy doesn’t just ‘meet people’,” Michael said. “Because that involves talking to strangers without me giving him a pep talk first. But, still, I see your point.”

“He talked to me a couple times before he got the… you know,” Christine said.

“Chris, you cannot even  _ fathom  _ the number of pep talks I had to give him so he could talk to you.”

“Oh. Well, that was nice of you.”

“Just doing my job,” Michael said. “Anyway, point two. There’s got to be something shady about it, otherwise, he’d tell me. Maybe not all of you, but definitely me.”

“Shady how?” Brooke asked.

“Maybe it’s a girl that he thinks we won’t like?” Jenna suggested with a shrug. “Do any of you know any girls that dislike you or anything?” Chloe just let out a dry laugh. Brooke snapped her fingers and stood up from the bed.

“I bet it’s Madeline,” she said.

“Ugh,  _ god  _ I hate her so much,” Chloe growled. “She’s from Montreal, you know. Not France. Jeremy could do so much better. Probably.”

“What about Madeline?” Michael deadpanned.

“Jeremy said they used to date, but she cheated on him,” Brooke said. 

“Well, that was a fucking lie,” Michael said. “One he told you while he had the Squip, I assume.” Brooke nodded and grimaced, sitting down again in defeat. Maybe he shouldn’t have brought it up. It was still a sensitive topic for all of them. It probably would be for a while.

“It could still be Madeline,” Jenna said. “She gets around.”

“Maybe this is exactly why he’s keeping his...buddy… a secret!” Christine protested. “You guys are being so...judgy! It’s really unfair. And… I don’t know. Maybe he’s just keeping it secret because afraid that you’ll think he’s moving on too quickly. I mean… he asked me out like three weeks ago, after all of…  _ that. _ There might not be anything sketchy about it.”

“The mom friend strikes again,” Michael mumbled. “Onto my last point, I guess.”

“The poem, I assume?” Chloe asked.

“Exactly. The poem. Now, I’m not looking to take AP Literature or anything, but even I can tell that this is a pretty good poem. It’s too cohesive to be something some schmuck just wrote down. So, Jeremy definitely didn’t write it.”

“Michael Mell, did you just call your best friend a schmuck?” Christine said, taken aback.

“I say it with love.”

“I googled the poem,” Jenna said, “to see if it came up anywhere, but I can’t find it. So, it’s an original, all right.”  

“Huh… do you know any girls who write poetry?” Michael asked.

“Well, yeah,” Jenna said. “Lots of the girls on the yearbook committee with me also write for the Literary Magazine. I can keep tabs on some of them, if it’d help.” 

“We can ask Jake, too, whenever he gets here,” Chloe said. “I’m sure one of the stupid girls he’s slept with has written him a sappy love poem before.”

“Didn’t you write him a poem in seventh grade?” Brooke said, with a sly grin. Chloe narrowed her eyes at her blonde friend and gave a small huff. 

“Ugh, remember when he dated Katrina? That bitch would  _ not  _ get over him and she would just try to cry on my shoulder about it all the goddamn time. Remember how she would only wear fake eyelashes on her right eye because she was convinced her left eyelashes were longer?” Brooke shook her head and chuckled as Chloe’s expression became more and more disgusted. “Dear god, why was I friends with her?”

“She told me to go on a diet once,” Jenna said with a scowl. 

“Oh wow,  _ fuck her _ ,” Chloe said. “Glad she’s outta my life. Cutting toxic people out is so refreshing. I mean, we just dropped another crazy person from the group, and I’ve never felt better.”  _ Wait, is she talking about... _

“Yeah, honestly,” Brooke said. “Good riddance. I can’t believe I used to  _ date  _ him. He’s insane.”

“He’s not insane.”

Michael and the four girls turned their heads toward the new voice and saw Jake standing in the doorway, his expression entirely numb. He hobbled in on his crutches and Brooke instantly rose from her seat so he could sit down on the bed next to Jenna. No one said a word as Jake gazed around the room. 

“Jake, we didn’t mean-”

“He’s. Not. Insane.” Michael’s heart broke just a little bit to see the clouded, hurt look behind Jake’s eyes. No one in the circle seemed like they were going to dare to correct him, but they all knew the truth. 

_ We were just trying to have some fun,  _ Michael thought.  _ So why’d we have to end up talking about that psycho, Rich Goranski? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is literally just a shitpost at this point dksafndsk
> 
> comment if you'd like haha! they make me happy <3


	4. Hate What They Hate

He’d heard what everyone was saying about Rich, of course. It was impossible to ignore all the shit people whispered in the hallways and shared on Twitter. Some said he was stupid and it was an accident. Some said he resented Jake for being more popular and burned down his house on purpose in retaliation. Some people were saying Rich belonged in a mental institution.

And apparently some of those last few were the same people he called his friends.

“That’s my best friend you’re talking about,” Jake said, letting his voice drop dangerously low. He looked around at the group of (now very guilty-looking) teens. Save for Chloe.

“So what?” Chloe said with a small smile. “We’ve all made mistakes, Jakey. But honestly, you’d think two broken legs would be a clear sign to move on.” Jake cringed and glanced down at his bulky casts. _Rich did this to you. Rich hates you. Rich went crazy._

“He’s not,” Jake snapped, partially at the group but mostly to himself. “He can’t be crazy. You guys don’t know him like I do.” Jenna shifted uncomfortably next to him on the bed. She wouldn’t make eye contact with him.

“I knew him well too, Jake,” Brooke said after a minute. “We dated sophomore year, remember?”

“God, do I ever!” Chloe groaned. “You put up with his bullshit for far too long.” She turned to Michael and Christine, who were less informed on the popular kid drama of years past. “He was always ghosting her and making sexist remarks and...god...he was just so… ugh.” Jake did remember some of that… but he had no idea how badly Rich was treating her. But… if he thought about it, for someone as energetic as Rich was, he was weirdly cold to Brooke when they were dating. It was like he felt the need to construct a sheet of glass between them.

“Then why did you stay with him for so long?” Christine asked earnestly, sympathy clouding into her voice as she leaned forward.

“Well… you know,” Brooke said. Christine shook her head and shrugged. Brooke gave her a pointed look, hoping to convey the message while remaining tasteful.

“Sex, Christine. It was good sex,” Chloe butted in.

“Oh,” Christine said blankly. “I thought it was going to be that you felt he secretly cared or something.”

“It doesn’t matter if he did,” Brooke sighed. She brushed a few strands of hair out of her face and folded her hands in her lap. “Guess we’ll never know now.”

“Um… he’s not dead,” Michael piped up. “You _do_ know that right?” Jake felt his heart leap at that. Michael had seen Rich. When? Where?

“You saw him?” Jake asked.

“Yeah, in the hospital,” Michael said. “After… the play. He was in the same room as Jeremy actually.” He gave a humorless laugh and shook his head. “He was _not_ doing so gucci.” Jenna snickered from across the room and flipped Michael off.

“Are you making fun of me?” she asked.

“Maybe a little,” he said with a grin. “Let me rephrase. The dude looked like _shit._ ”

“What do you mean?” Jake asked. “Was… he okay?” Michael frowned and inhaled deeply. He looked directly at Jake before answering.

“He was covered in bandages. Like a mummy or something. He must have been super drugged up too because he was acting… weird.” _Weird?_ Michael paused, seemingly for dramatic effect. “Well, for one, he kind of sounded like he was lisping. And, get this: he made a joke about being bi.”

“Well, what’s the problem with that?” Jake snapped. He tightened his fists a bit, clenching the bedspread and trying to keep it together.

“You’re kidding, right?” Michael deadpanned. He stood up and walked over to his closet, returning with his light blue backpack. After he returned to his seat, he turned the bag around, showing the circle of teenagers the message written in big black marker that read “RIENDS”. Jake blinked and read it again. _That’s… not a word. Is that a word?_

“And that means…” Jake prompted.

“He wrote _B-O-Y-F_ on Jeremy’s bag,” Michael said. _Boyf? That’s not a word either. I mean, I know Rich was failing English but geez…_ “Boyfriends, Jake,” Michael sighed. “He vandalized our backpacks to say ‘boyfriends’ because he’s a homophobic dick.”

“Not to mention all the comments about ‘girl-on-girl’ action,” Chloe cut in.

“He said some awful things about Mr. Reyes during rehearsals,” Christine added. “He even called him… you know.”

“Yeah, he’s called me that too,” Michael said. He adjusted his glasses and leaned back in his chair. “I don’t mind being out at school, but people like him…”

“God… Michael…” Jake said, rubbing his temples with his fingers in an attempt to quell a growing headache. “I… had no idea that Rich was so awful to you.”

“To me?” Michael repeated. “I couldn’t give less of a flying fuck about how he treated me. It was nothing compared to the hell he put Jeremy through. Beating him up and making him somehow hate himself _more_ with his insults.” Michael’s voice grew louder and more emotional with each word. “Oh yeah! And let’s not forget that Rich is the one who gave Jeremy the damn Squip in the first place!” Everyone went silent and Jake heard Christine gasp lightly. None of them liked to mention it by name. And none of them had ever seen Michael lose his cool before. Though, admittedly, if it was going to be over anything…

“I’m sorry,” Michael said, more calmly. He took some deep breaths and sat down again. “I just...he got away with it for over a year. He was hurting my best friend and I couldn’t do shit about it. And… maybe it wasn’t Rich’s fault that Jeremy got a Squip, but it’s definitely his fault that Jeremy felt like he _needed_ one.”

  
“Rich had a Squip too,” Jake said. “It’s not _his_ fault that-”

“Can we please stop talking about this?” Christine mumbled in the corner. She had wrapped her arms around her chest and was collapsing into herself. It was disheartening at the least to see her looking so small and quiet. Jake shut his mouth and everyone else didn’t dare speak up. Jake looked around silently and desperately, trying to catch the eye of anyone else who cared about Rich. Someone who still believed in him. But all he saw was resentment and pain in their eyes. _Maybe Michael’s right._

“Look…” Michael said gently, but firmly. He had finally broken the tense silence and was looking right at Jake with raw honesty. “Maybe he was a good person once. Maybe you just got lucky -- you got to see bits of that in him before he snapped. But… it doesn’t matter who he used to be. It doesn’t change the fact that he was an asshole, and it doesn’t change the fact that he burned down your house and is probably full-on crazy at this point. He’s not the first one it’s happened to...my research told me that much. People ended up in mental institutions trying to get their Squips out. That’s just… how it goes. I’m not saying it’s fair. I’m just saying that that’s what happened, and you need to move on.”

“Yeah...you’re probably right,” Jake said. He swallowed and tried to push the image of his former best friend walking by his side, giving him high-fives and girl advice from his mind. That person was gone. He wasn’t coming back. And, as his friends had pointed out, he shouldn’t _want_ him back.

“Well, anyway,” Jenna said. She had apparently stepped up to do some damage control. “Back to the topic at hand. Jake, what do you think of this?” She passed him a folded piece of notebook paper. “It’s a love poem. Michael found it in Jeremy’s sweater pocket.” Jake unfolded the page and began scanning the lines. _Huh...this is...wow. This is really good._

“Wait, someone wrote this for Heere?” he asked. “Who?”

“We don’t know,” Jenna said. “That’s why Michael called a ‘war meeting’. Do you know any girls that write poetry?”

“I mean, Chloe wrote me one in seventh grade,” Jake said.

“No guy’s ever written _me_ a poem,” Brooke sighed.

“I volunteer,” Michael said, raising his hand. “As long as it doesn’t have to be a love poem.”

“Sure, go for it,” Brooke said with a laugh.

“Roses are red, Violets are blue. I like you platonically. This is your poem, woohoo.” Jenna and Christine burst into applause, though Jenna’s was clearly more sarcastic.

“Nice job, Michael!” Christine said. “Though, you could work a bit on your meter…”

Jake was glad that everyone seemed to be getting along again. The tense atmosphere had all but dissipated. Jeremy seemed to be a decent guy, and it still felt a little bit like an invasion of his privacy, but Jake welcomed the distraction. He’d take Michael and Chloe’s evil plan over talking about... _him_...any day.

“You know…” Jenna said. “I could always tweet out a picture of it. That way, we’re sure to get a reaction out of someone.”

“But then Jeremy would see it,” Chloe pointed out. “That takes all the fun out of it.”

“Jeremy doesn’t have Twitter,” Michael scoffed. “He lives on Reddit. And the poem doesn’t mention him by name, so he’d be none the wiser.”

“Yeah, good point,” Jenna said.

“I’m still not so sure about this whole thing…” Christine said after a minute. “Maybe we should take a second to-”

“Aaaaaaand done.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to mik for co-writing michael's poem
> 
> leave a comment if you feel so inclined! they always make my day <3


	5. Kill and Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol remember when this used to be a comedy fic? wild.

_Keep your head down. Don’t speak unless someone talks to you first. Make sure your scars are covered. You just need to survive. Easy peasy, right?_

Rich weaved in and out of the crowd of teenagers, watching his step and avoiding holding eye contact with anyone. Gone were the days of high-fiving some and shoving away others. Rich Goranski was in hiding. Due to… less than fortunate circumstances, Rich couldn’t allow anyone to look at him for too long. After all, he had once been the second-in-command of Middle Borough. He was sure to be recognized if he wasn’t careful. There was something to be said for being short after all… it was great for helping him disappear into the crowd. It was somewhere he was anonymous. It was somewhere safe.

He resisted the urge to push his hair back out of his face. After styling it back for so long, he’d forgotten how annoying it was to have stray hairs tickling his forehead. A bead of sweat trickled down his face and Rich cringed. He, of course, didn’t miss the Squip by any means, but, from the nervous sweating to the lisp to the loser fashion, there were some parts of his former identity that he was not so thrilled to adopt back into his life.

If it wasn’t for Jeremy, he would have beaten town already.

And if he had money. Which he didn’t.

He heard someone next to him draw in a quick breath of fear. He turned his head and made eye contact with her, starting at the red-headed girl for only a second before tearing his gaze away. She recognized him, there was no doubt about that. Rich recognized that fear in her eyes. The questioning, the terror, the doubt. He picked up the pace and ducked out of her line of sight before she could snap a picture or believe a little too much in what she saw.

He finally got to his English classroom, thankfully before any other students. He paused for only a moment to retrieve his notes out of his backpack. Sure, not staying for class was going to hurt his grade, but he could at least turn in the daily work. He walked up to the teacher’s desk and placed his notes face-down in the designated spot, ready to turn on his heels and hide out in the bathrooms for a little while until he could sneak into his next class, when the teacher cleared his throat and Rich froze.

“Mr. Goranski,” he said. Rich closed his eyes for just a moment and prepared himself mentally. _He better make this quick…_

“Yeah?”

“I would like to discuss your essay, if you have a moment.” The teacher sneered at him. “But I’m sure you have better things to do than attend class, correct?” Rich did his best not to wince. He swallowed a bit, glancing at the clock. He had a bit of time.

“Was it that bad?” he asked. The teacher scoffed and produced Rich’s essay, which seemed to be virtually free of marks, but had a distinct lack of a grade at the top.

“No, actually,” the teacher said. “It was a thoughtful analysis that was very well-constructed. And therein lies the problem.” Rich blinked. “I would like to know who wrote this essay, Mr. Goranski. You’re on the cusp of failing my class, and I’m not blind to the way you treat your peers. If you threatened any of your classmates into writing this for you, you’ll be facing some serious disciplinary action.”

“I wrote it,” Rich said weakly. There was no way he was going to win this. How could he possibly explain that he actually enjoyed English? That he wasn’t allowed to try before because the computer in his head found the interest to be “too nerdy”? Rich shifted his weight from foot to foot. “I just figured it was time I start trying,” he said.

“Really?” the teacher said incredulously. “Then why don’t you even bother showing up to class? Hm?” Rich averted his gaze. He hated feeling so weak. Before… he would have had the perfect comeback. The perfect explanation for the grade. Something. But he couldn’t find any words.

“I’ll be getting this looked at further,” his teacher continued. “I haven’t found evidence of plagiarism yet, but I’ll keep digging as long as I need to. I know what kind of kid you are, and I’m not letting you walk away with an ‘A’ you didn’t earn.”

“R-right,” Rich stuttered out, not knowing what else to say. He was just itching to leave.

“Get out of here.”

Rich didn’t need to be told twice. He practically jogged to the door and slipped into the hallway once again, letting his identity get swallowed up into the masses, wishing silently that he could just stay that way for good.

 

 

* * *

 

When the bell finally rang for the last time, signalling the end of the day, Rich felt like he was coming up for air after holding his breath for no less than seven hours. For once, Jeremy didn’t have after school plans with… his friends. _My friends. Except they never really were, were they?_

Maybe if he didn’t hate himself so much, he’d resent them for replacing him so quickly with Michael, Jeremy, Christine, and Jenna Rolan of all people. They had all just moved on, content to leave crazy old Rich Goranski behind like he _had_ died in the fire. Rich shivered and tried to empty his head. He picked up the pace as he shouldered his way through the faceless bodies. Just a few more steps, then he could duck into that back hallway and kick down that rarely-used door, letting himself get entirely lost in Jeremy. _Almost there…._

Then Rich’s foot caught something, and before he could do anything, he saw the floor rapidly approaching. When he landed, the wind was knocked out of him and his glasses fell off his face, sliding a bit. In a panic, he snatched them up, not wanting them to get crushed by a pair of careless feet.

“Oh fuck,” a familiar voice said. “Sorry, dude. Do you need help?” Rich sat up quickly and didn’t dare turn around. “Didn’t mean to trip you with my crutch.” Rich’s hands were shaking as he carefully hoisted himself up and replaced his glasses, still refusing to turn around. He had to get out of there.

“Are you okay?” Jake said, concern bleeding through his voice. Rich heard him shift on his crutches a bit. _Who cares if I’m okay. You’re the one who fucking broke his legs. Thanks to me._

Rich nodded quickly. Then he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and went perfectly stiff, ice building up his spine and paralyzing him. Did Jake recognize him? Rich wasn’t going to stay to find out. He stepped forward, feeling as though he was yanking himself free of Jake Dillinger’s clutches. _Running, running. Always running away from your problems. Pathetic._

“I’m sorry!” Jake called desperately behind him as he faded into the crowd once again. _I’m sorry._ Rich felt tears threatening to escape, but he bit his lip and held them back with all his willpower. _He has nothing to be sorry for. You’re the one who needs to apologize and yet you’re_ **_still hiding like a scared little kid.”_ **Rich choked out a sob. It snuck up his throat like vomit, like he couldn’t contain the toxic brew of his emotions any longer.

 **_“You’re always going to be a scared little kid, Richard.”_ ** The all-too-familiar voice hissed in the back of his head. Rich took a deep breath and pushed open the doors to the back of the school, finding only grass and a dirty brick wall. _Well, maybe this can be the mental breakdown spot._

 **_“Nothing’s really changed about you, despite everything you worked for,”_ ** the voice continued. **_“Pathetic, weak, pitiful little Richard Goranski always hid from his problems. You made your brother stand up to your father, and once he left, you couldn’t handle him. And you got beat up for it. You couldn’t navigate high school on your own, so you took a computerized pill and made it solve your problems for you. And now you have to deal with the consequences of everything you’ve done.”_ **Rich leaned against the wall and clenched his hands into fists, trying to stop them from trembling.

**_“And you’re trying to run from the consequences too.”_ **

Rich closed his eyes and let himself slide down the wall to the ground, where he buried his face in his knees and covered his ears. He didn’t know if this was real or if he actually was as crazy as everyone said, but he just wanted it out.

“Shut up,” he whispered. “Shut up.”

**_“That tough persona I made you put on was only meant to hide to truth -- that all you ever want to do is hide. Everything about you is so terrible.”_ **

_I know. I know that._

**_“Say it.”_ **

“I know, god damnit!” Rich yelled. He pounded his fist against the dirt, silently sobbing into his jeans. _Terrible. Terrible. Pathetic. Loser. Weak. Pitiful._ “I...I know…I know…”

 

* * *

 

Eventually, the voice stopped and Rich calmed down. He still didn’t feel great… he hadn’t for a while. But he felt good enough. And knowing that his boyfriend would come through the door any minute made him feel better, no matter what was going on in his head. By the time Jeremy came out, he would be fine. It was easier not to talk about it, anyway. He didn’t need to worry Jeremy like that. If his Squip was still partially alive, he could handle it. And if Rich really was going crazy…

He couldn’t let himself think about that.

 

_what rich did was FUCKED cant believe i have math with a psycho! #wearemiddleborough #fuckedup_

 

_Prayers for @jake_dillinger_ today for losing a house and a completely mental best friend_

 

_horrified. Rich goranski is a monster. Glad almost everyone made it out safe but this is still a tragedy!!!! #wearemiddleborough_

 

_@brooke_is_lohst   your ex is a fucking psychopath_

 

_everyone remember to change your profiles to @richgoranski to remember the horrible tragedy! #wearemiddleborough_

 

_wait wait did rich die in the fire? I havent heard anything but if he did he deserved it #wearemiddleborough #notsorry_

 

Images of things he’d seen, comments he’d heard… they all came crashing down. _They’re right. They’re all right about me._ He carefully pulled his phone out of his pocket, prepared to search the familiar hashtags and just let the truth consume him. He opened Twitter and went to Jenna Rolan’s profile first. After all, what was a good self-loathing section without some external input? He deserved to read all that they were saying about him.

But when he scrolled down, he didn’t see any posts about him or the fire or anything. Instead, he saw a picture of his own words.

His words to Jeremy.

Rich gripped the phone a little harder and blinked, stupidly trying to will the post anyway. His breath caught in his throat when he saw the staggering number of retweets. The caption was a vague “anyone recognize this?”. Rich dropped the phone, heart pounding so hard he could feel it in every inch of his body. _No no… Jeremy wouldn’t. Jeremy wouldn’t…_

“Sorry I’m late!”

Rich looked up slowly, taking in the sight of Jeremy, who was straightening his Star Wars t-shirt and panting. He was smiling despite his heavy breathing, but Rich couldn’t even bring himself to smile back. _No… Jeremy cares about me… he said he cared about me… why would he…_

“H-how could you?” Rich whispered out. Jeremy’s eyes widened in confusion. He quickly knelt down next to Rich, paying no mind to the patch of dirt he was kneeling in.

“What’s wrong?” Jeremy asked. He looked concerned and open. _Liar._ Rich imagined Jeremy laughing with his friends, the popular kids, about how pathetic and useless Rich Goranski has. How easily manipulated he was. How he was so vulnerable that he stupidly _stupidly_ opened his heart to the one person who he thought might understand.

Rich knew he deserved to be backstabbed. But he still could hardly breathe when he felt the sharp pain of agony cutting through his very being. He snatched up the phone and thrust it into Jeremy’s face. Jeremy took it cautiously, his eyes scanning the lines of the poem quickly. Rich watched his face, waiting for a spark of recognition, a flash of remorse, or even a self-satisfied smirk. Just anything… But Jeremy mostly looked confused.

“Rich, what is-”

“I thought you cared about me!” Rich finally yelled out. “God, I’m so stupid…” He laughed humorlessly to himself as tears dripped off his face. “Let’s just laugh at Rich Goranski! Let’s laugh at his stupid poetry and his stupid heart and just rip him to shreds!”

“Rich?” Jeremy asked in a panic. Rich saw out of the corner of his eye that Jeremy was carefully reaching a hand over to him, as if considering whether or not Rich wanted to be comforted. “What are you talking about?” Rich drew in a shaky breath, and when he exhaled, it came out as a weepy laugh.

“Y-you… showed them my poem,” Rich laughed. “Was it like your prize, Jeremy? Congratulations, you tricked Rich in falling for you? And then you just showed it to your _best friends_ so they could post it and everyone can laugh at me?” Rich buried his face into his hands and cried more, his chest heaving out each new bucket of sobs.

After a second, Jeremy’s hand grabbed Rich’s and slowly pulled them away from his face. Jeremy looked concerned and more than a little frightened at Rich’s outburst.

“Th-that can’t be the poem,” Jeremy stammered out. “I haven’t even read it yet! It’s still in my…” Jeremy trailed off, eyes growing wide in horror. “My….sweater… oh god…”

Rich wiped his eyes with his sleeves and finally let himself meet Jeremy’s eyes. “What?”

“I never got to read it!” Jeremy admitted, cringing. “I… I put it in my pocket and-”

“Don’t lie…” Rich scoffed, tears slowing to a trickle. “I should have expected this.” _It’s what I deserve._

“Stop it,” Jeremy said. Rich looked up through his tears, surprised to hear so much authority in Jeremy’s voice.

“Jeremy-”

“Listen to me, okay?” Jeremy grabbed one of Rich’s hands gently, sweeping his thumb over the back of it carefully. “I… I know what happened. Basically, I fucked up and lost the poem and they got it somehow. I don’t know why Jenna tweeted it out but I swear, I’ve never told them about you and I would never betray you like that!” Jeremy stopped moving his thumb and squeezed Rich’s hand desperately. “You don’t really think I would, do you?”

Rich retracted his hand and wiped his eyes one last time.

“I… I don’t know,” he confessed. “I don’t want to think you would but…” He sighed and shakily stood up, using the wall for support. “I need to be alone for a while.”

“Wait!” Jeremy blurted out, also rising to his feet. “I mean, that’s fine… I understand if you’re mad… I just… I wanted to tell you… um…” Rich looked at Jeremy and met his eyes. His eyes were so open and vulnerable… Rich felt like he could see right into Jeremy’s soul. And right now all he could see was desperation. Rich felt like throwing up. He was just pushing Jeremy away, and Jeremy, for whatever reason, didn’t want to be pushed away.

“I love you,” Jeremy said finally, hands fidgeting with the bottom of his shirt. “I know it’s soon but… I do. So… yeah.” Rich breathed slowly, not saying a word. Then Jeremy took a step back, biting his lip. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said quietly. “If you want. I’m going to fix this.”

Rich nodded and Jeremy left.

**_“Too scared to say it back? Pitiful.”_ **

_He said he loves me… how could he be using me?_

**_“That’s his real trophy. He wants you to say it. And then he’ll laugh at you.”_ **

_No… it was just an accident. Jeremy wouldn’t lie to me._

**_“You can’t even face your true feelings. Tell me something: If you’re so sure that he really loves you and isn’t using you, why didn’t you say it back?”_ **

Rich kicked at the dirt and began walking home. He was ready to drink until he didn’t know who he was anymore. Anything it took to get his head quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: hey lets write a fun, light-hearted richjer multichap
> 
> me, on chapter 5: so that was a fucking lie enjoy your rich character study


	6. A Supporting Role

_New messages from “The Plot THICCens”_

 

|From: Michael| any news on the poem?

 

|From: Jenna| not yet. Lots of retweets tho maybe i should take up poetry

 

|From: Michael| for what?? the attention????

 

|From: Jenna| damn right bitch

 

|From: Jake| i dont know if this is helpful but I think it might be someone i know

 

|From: Jake| the handwriting looks kind of familiar idk

 

|From: Chloe| great its a girl that jake knows

 

|From: Chloe| that narrows it down for sure

 

|From: Brooke| who changed the group name

 

|From: Michael| we need an action plan i think the poem’s a dead end after all

 

_Chat renamed “Jake Dillinger has been alive for 17 slutty, slutty years”_

 

|From: Jake| who did that that’s not funny

 

Christine sighed to herself and resisted the urge to mute the chat. As much as she hated the whole thing, she couldn’t allow her friends to continue their “investigation” entirely unchecked. Though she was pretty sure none of them meant any harm by it… she couldn’t stop thinking about how they were invading Jeremy’s privacy and digging around where they weren’t welcome.

The bell rang throughout the hallway and Christine stood up from her chair, realizing in an instant that she hadn’t retained anything the teacher had said all of class. She was too stressed -- her brain was too full. All she could think about was Jeremy. Or, more specifically, Jeremy and whoever he was seeing, if he was seeing anyone. She didn’t really know what she believed anymore. Some of what Chloe and Michael were saying seemed like it might have merit, but she couldn’t let herself get pulled in by the group hivemind. It wasn’t fair to Jeremy.

Even though, admittedly, he was most likely fooling around with somebody. _But,_ Christine thought adamantly, _that’s none of my business is it? It not any of our business._

If Jeremy was… “getting some” than Christine was happy for him. Sure, Christine didn’t like him romantically, but he was sweet and a good friend. After he’d asked her out and she’d turned him down, she’d expected a long period of awkwardness and avoiding Jeremy’s pitiful gaze, but it didn’t really happen. He’d respected her feelings and moved on. Whether he moved on to just loving himself or loving a different person… was still to be determined.

Christine pushed open the door of the auditorium and collapsed into one of the squeaky chairs. She had until the end of her free period to clear her head of the whole thing. She didn’t want speculation over Jeremy’s love life of all things pulling down her GPA. So, she figured she ought to just speculate about it for an hour and no more. She wasn’t curious, she just needed the whole thing out of her head.

She really wasn’t curious or anything though. This was just a necessity.

The thing that was really bothering her was what Michael had said -- that there was no way Jeremy would hook up with someone he didn’t know first. It was a fair point, one that had the potential to derail the whole theory. If it wasn’t for Jeremy’s suspicious behavior and that poem…

Christine didn’t know what to think.

 _Who does Jeremy know? Well, he knows me… and Michael. And the popular kids we sit with now. That’s Jake, Brooke, and Chloe. And there’s also Jenna._ Christine crossed her legs and took a pencil out of her backpack, twirling it around in her fingers. She always thought better when she had something to fidget with. _I guess he knows Dustin too… Michael buys weed from him._ Christine frowned and began tapping the pencil against the armrest of the chair. She didn’t even know whether she should be considering boys as well as girls. She didn’t want to assume… but some part of her really doubted that Jeremy was straight. She seemed to read a similar suspicion off of Michael as well, and he would know better than any of them. That could explain why Jeremy hadn’t told them if he still wanted to remain closeted.

Christine sighed and shamefully pulled out her phone to text her cousin, “hey you aren’t by any chance hooking up with Jeremy H are you?”

 

|From: Dustin| nope but tell him im down if he’s single ;)

 

So, that was a no. Dustin was not one for keeping secrets, especially from Christine. But if it wasn’t any of them… who else was there? There was no one else that Jeremy knew very well… she was stumped. She went through the list silently in her head again, racking her brain. She groaned a bit and let her head fall back so she was looking at the ceiling. She was missing something, she could feel it. Or _someone._ But she had listed everyone, she was sure of it. The list, though small, was complete. She’d considered everyone that Jeremy had ever talked to, and none of them fit the bill.

With the exception of… _him_ … of course. But that seemed to be the most unlikely choice of all. Christine bit her lip, shaking her head as she marveled at even the prospect of those two hooking up after everything that had happened. They were probably the least compatible pair Christine could possibly dream up. It wasn’t even an option to consider -- there was no reason for them to ever spend time together, if Rich was in fact back at school. Kind, cute, sweet Jeremy had nothing in common with angry, violent, unstable Rich Goranski.

_It’d have to be someone he knows. There’s something shady about it, I know it. Jake recognized the handwriting. Jeremy acting suspicious, sneaking around. They shared a hospital room. Michael saying Rich was rambling about being bisexual._

“Oh no…” Christine said out loud, sitting upright. She swallowed and set down the pencil lightly. A horrible realization dawned on her like a tidal wave. Rich and Jeremy did have something in common. They were fucking.

Christine hit her mental brakes and tried to steady herself in the chair. There was no way. It brought up more questions than it answered. Jeremy’s judgment couldn’t possibly be that bad. But her gut told her that it had to be the truth. And that was… concerning. After all, Rich had bullied Jeremy horribly as far as she could tell. Was Rich still hurting Jeremy? Was he being threatened or assulted? Christine felt like she was going to be sick as her brain went into full-on panic mode.

It wasn’t too far-fetched to believe that the whole thing was a lapse of judgment on Jeremy’s part. She loved the boy, but he had bought a mysterious drug and distributed it at the school play, so he wasn’t exactly batting a thousand when it came to rational decisions. There was no doubt in her mind that Rich and Jeremy’s...thing… was purely physical. Was Jeremy really swayed so easily by Rich’s rugged looks and (admittedly very nice-looking) body?

And then, the scariest thought of all occurred to her. Rich and Jeremy had one more thing in common -- they both had had their Squips for the longest period of time. She reached for the pencil again and gripped it so there was something to ground her wandering mind. They both had had Squips… she didn’t really know what that meant, not exactly, but it gave her a bad feeling. It brought up an underlying paranoia that she’d been afraid to address previously… the fear that Michael’s Mountain Dew Red hadn’t been enough. The fear that the Squips would come back.

She knew it was probably a bit of a stretch, but it made more sense to her than Jeremy willingly hooking up with someone who used to treat him so horribly. Jeremy couldn’t possibly be _that_ desperate.

(She made a side note to herself that it was quite possible Jeremy was just _that_ desperate.)

Maybe their Squips were still active. Maybe they were planning something. That could also explain why Jeremy was being so evasive. If that was the case… if there really was something Squip-related going on, then she couldn’t very well stay out of it. Her first thought was to go to Michael, he had the Mountain Dew Red, after all, but unlike her friends, she didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. She didn’t have all the facts. But what she did know was concerning, and sitting idly by while Jeremy did… whatever it was he was doing… wasn’t the right thing to do.

She needed air. She grabbed her backpack and headed out of the theatre doors. She walked out the front double doors of the school and circled around to lean against the cool brick of the school and clear her head.

Jeremy and Rich… that couldn’t be good. Not even a little bit. She didn’t know if it was a toxic physical thing or some sort of Squip conspiracy, but she had to put an end to it. But she didn’t know how.

_How am I supposed to talk to Jeremy about this?_

“-can’t stop hearing it!”

Christine perked up. That sounded like…

“... not gone! It’s never going to go away and…” It sounded like crying. The sobs tapered off when Christine heard another voice shushing the first. _Was that Jeremy?_

As quietly as she could, Christine tiptoed closer to the source of the voice, her body hugging the wall tightly. She heard more whispering, but couldn’t make out anything. When she finally reached the corner of the wall, she took a deep breath and strained to hear one more time. She could hear two different voices, both male, one more familiar than the other. But she couldn’t make out everything they were saying.

Holding her breath, Christine peaked her head around the corner and had to hold back a gasp at what she saw. Jeremy was sitting against the wall, and he looked like he was crying, head buried in his knees, torso shaking. Next to him was another boy with glasses and honey blond hair that fell in his eyes. Christine squinted, thinking for a second that her previous prediction was off, but when Jeremy shifted a bit, Christine could see burn scars scattered across the other boy’s arms. She noticed his piercing hazel eyes that were hiding behind his glasses. She noticed his short stature, his muscular frame.

_RICH? Wait, why am I surprised? I already knew that._

Jeremy was leaning into Rich, the last of his sobs leveling out. Rich looked like he was saying something quietly to Jeremy to calm him down. Christine’s eyes widened as Rich brought a hand up to Jeremy’s face and traced it carefully. Then he moved to run his hands gently through Jeremy’s hair. Even from where she was, Christine could see a dopey smile spread onto Jeremy’s face from the contact. Rich smiled back at him and then they embraced.

“I hear it too,” Rich said. Christine stiffened at the mention of the Squip. So, she had been right about that. “You’re stronger than it, remember?” Jeremy nodded. Then he pulled away from the hug and leaned forward to kiss Rich softly instead. Christine turned around and ran back towards the school, as quietly as she could. Staying any longer would be an invasion.

_We were wrong… they’re not hooking up. They’re not conspiring._

_No… They’re in love…_

Once Christine was back in the school, she ducked into the auditorium once again, breathing heavily. They should have left this alone. It turned out that there was a _very_ good reason Jeremy hadn’t told his friends about his secret relationship… but their friends were butting into it regardless. Christine had to shut it down. Jeremy had been through enough, he didn’t need to be the source of the group's drama any longer. It wasn’t fair to him.

She still didn’t understand, but she didn’t think she had to. That Rich she’d seen was different… maybe he acted differently too. Maybe they’d found something really special in each other. Something that was in danger of being ruined if Jeremy was found out before he was ready to come to his friends first.

Christine pulled out her phone and brought up the group chat.

 

_Message to “Jake Said Slut Rights”_

 

|From: Christine| im out guys. This doesn’t feel right.

 

|From: Christine| I think it would be best to leave Jeremy alone and let him come to us first

 

|From: Christine| You guys should really consider how this would make him feel

 

|From: Christine| I’ll see you guys at school, but I don’t want any part of this anymore

 

|From: Michael| Top Ten Anime Betrayals

 

|From: Christine| Michael

 

|From: Michael| yeah yeah maybe youre right. Sorry chris

 

_Christine has left the chat._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes thats a most popular girls in school reference
> 
> hooray we are back to the fun stuff im sure it wont be sad ever again


	7. Good Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter titles are a thing now because seven chapters is never too late kdsbfdka im a mess

Jeremy had ruined everything, that much was clear. Like all good things in his life, his relationship with Rich was going to come to an end and he’d only have his stupid idiot self to blame. 

He hadn’t kept track of the poem - such a tiny thing with such tremendous importance. He’d been one of the last people in school to read it if the retweets were any indication, and it was something that was supposed to be just for his eyes. And it was wonderful. It was so  _ so  _ wonderful and full of love but now it was tainted and ruined and it was all Jeremy’s fault. 

He hadn’t been careful enough. First it was the nosey questioning at Pinkberry and now the poem...they were onto him. They had to be. They were going to find out about Rich and he’d be exposed after he’s been so careful to hide and to top it off, they’d both be outed too and Jeremy just didn’t think he was ready. _ It’s because I’m a terrible liar and now I’ve screwed him over.  _

He hadn’t shown Rich how much he loved him. That felt like the biggest failure of all. To think that Rich would even be able to consider the idea that Jeremy was double-crossing him hurt. It hurt a lot. And then Jeremy had let his stupid heart get in the way and he’d told Rich that he loved him. And Rich didn’t say it back.

Jeremy didn’t really blame him. He sure as all hell didn’t feel lovable. 

As he sat at lunch with his friends, all he could think about was the fight. He kept seeing Rich, tears pouring down his cheeks, just looking entirely broken and empty. Jeremy didn’t know what to do… he could hardly comfort himself when he was upset, so he had no idea how to comfort anyone else. Michael always knew what to do to calm people down, but there was no way he could explain all of this to him. 

He’d really just made a huge mess.

“You okay, Jer?”

Jeremy looked up from the table, where he was spacing out into his colorless food. Michael, who was sitting next to him, was looking at him as subtly as he could, concern evident in his eyes. 

“I’m f-fine!” Jeremy stammered out, louder than he wanted. Despite Michael’s efforts to keep the exchange private, he’d now gathered the attention of everyone at the table. 

**_“Now they’re all going to see what a mess you are.”_ **

Jeremy grasped the fabric of his jeans in his fists to did his best to keep his breathing steady.  _ It’s not real...It’s not real… _

“You don’t  _ look  _ fine…” Brooke said. With everyone’s eyes on him, Jeremy felt more vulnerable than ever. They all could see him. Could they also see how he was falling apart? Could they tell he still didn’t feel okay, even though they all seemed to be fine? Did they know? Did they know what he was hiding?

“I’m just… cold,” he said. He swallowed and looked down at the table, knowing that if he met Michael’s eyes, he’d see right through him. “Do you have my sweater?” he asked, doing his best to keep emotion out of his voice.

“Shit,” Michael said. “No, I left it at home. I still have to wash the LaCroix out of it too, because despite what my taste buds tell me, apparently there  _ is  _ some flavoring in there.”

“Fuck off, Mell,” Brooke called from across the table.

“Do you want to borrow my hoodie?” Michael asked. “Or…” Jeremy looked up to see Michael glancing around the table. “Do you need that specific sweater for some reason?” Jeremy heart thumped in his chest. 

“No,” Jeremy said robotically. “Why would I?”

“I don’t know,” Michael countered, narrowing his eyes thoughtfully at Jeremy. “Why would you?”

“Do...do you think I need that sweater?” Jeremy squeaked out.

“You tell meeeee…” Michael whispered dramatically, leaning in closer to Jeremy, a goofy look on his face. Jeremy laughed and allowed himself to relax. He pushed Michael’s face away, shaking his head. He was getting too paranoid. Michael didn’t know anything -- none of them did. They were just messing around. They probably just thought  _ he  _ had written the poem and were trying to embarrass him a bit. Or something. He didn’t really know what to think.

“Hang on a sec,” Michael said. He drew his arms in close to him and stripped off his hoodie, pulling down the t-shirt he was wearing underneath and passing the red garment to Jeremy.

“Woah, no way…” Jenna said sarcastically. “Michael Mell has arms! Who knew?”

“Uh, of course he has arms,” Jake said, looking confused. 

“I’ve just never seen him without the hoodie before,” Jenna said. “It was a joke.”

“You’ll have to forgive Jake,” Chloe said, not looking up from her phone. “He’s slow. All looks, no brains.”

“At least I’ve never cheated on anyone,” Jake mumbled. “Even an idiot knows not to do that.” Jeremy cringed and saw Michael do that same. One of the worst parts of sitting with the popular kids was all the drama that lay bubbling under the surface that they didn’t dare ask context for.  _ But as long as we seem to get along, that stuff doesn’t matter...right? _

“Anyway, here,” Michael said, a bit too loudly. Everyone seemed to pay attention, the hostility dissipating. Jeremy couldn’t find the strength to let go of the material of his jeans to accept the sweatshirt. 

“ **_You don’t belong here. You’re a liar.”_ **

Jeremy could feel sweat starting to accumulate...well...everywhere. He averted his gaze and shook his head a bit. 

“That’s… that’s okay,” he said. His mind flickered to the pride patch on the sleeve. “I don’t want to...you know… start rumors.”  _ I don't want Rich to think I don't love him. _

“Huh?” Michael said. “What, that we’re dating or something? We’re not and we never will, so they can think what they want. No harm, no foul. It’s not like you  _ are _ seeing someone, right?”

"I just don't want people thinking anything about me that isn't true," Jeremy said. 

"Aw, come on, Jer. Fuck them! Who cares what people think?"

“ _ I  _ care what people think!” Jeremy snapped before he could think better of it. “You know that. And you just saying I shouldn’t care won’t  _ change _ the fact that I care too much. I just… I don’t want to wear it, okay?” When he finally lifted his head to look at Michael, hurt was clouding his dark brown eyes. He let out a sigh and pathetically pulled the sweatshirt back over his head. Jeremy glanced around the table and everyone seemed to be staring elsewhere, all trying to pretend they hadn’t heard or didn’t care. Except Christine. She’d been quiet almost the whole lunch period and was looking at Jeremy sympathetically. 

“Michael, I-”

“I’m sorry,” Michael said. Jeremy’s eyes widened. 

“N-no, don’t apologize, you weren’t trying to-”

“Jeremy, it’s okay. I shouldn’t have downplayed your discomfort like that.” Then he swallowed and looked down for a second, almost looking...guilty. “Listen… that thing you said. About not wanting people to think things about you that aren’t true?”

Jeremy nodded mutely. 

“Well, I… I need to tell-”

“You can always tell us anything you need to,” Chloe cut in. She gave him a genuine smile, which looked super strange and out of place on her. “For real. Michael most of all probably. That way, none of us will ever have to speculate.”

**_“You can’t hide from them, Jeremy.”_ **

“Sp-speculate?” Jeremy stammered out.

“She’s kidding,” Jenna said with a wave of her hand. “And hey, I’ve got lots of connections. If anyone ever spreads any shit about you that is blatantly untrue, I can set the record straight.”  _ Or,  _ Jeremy thought,  _ you could spread lies. You could ruin my reputation like you did to Rich. You could make everyone hate me. _

**_“They already hate you.”_ **

“Yeah. Thanks,” Jeremy said quickly. 

**_“You can’t tell them anything, you know. They’d hate you even more.”_ **

Jeremy glared down at his food and did his best to ignore the voice.  _ It’s just my imagination… it’s dead… it’s dead… _

**_“If they knew you were hearing voices they’d call you crazy too.”_ **

_ Michael wouldn’t. _

**_“Who’s to say? He gets along well enough with the popular kids. He fits in far better than you do. And you already abandoned him once. What’s stopping him from returning the favor?”_ **

Everything it was saying churned in his stomach like a hurricane as he sat quietly and observed. It was all fine. He had friends, which he’d never had in plural before, so there was no use worrying about the wave of unresolved tension threatening to spill over at any second. And there was no use fretting about the fact that his secret relationship was weighing on him like an unconfessed sin. And most of all, he didn’t need to tell anyone about hearing the Squip’s voice. It wasn’t real. He could just ignore it.

Things were good enough. 

_ Why upset the balance? _

 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

  
  


His whole body was shaking and he didn’t even know how to begin to stop it. He was used to intrusive thoughts, passing remarks, and the like that just happened to sound reminiscent of Keanu Reeves. But this was different. 

**_“None of them even like you, Jeremy. You’re a charity case.”_ **

The trembling intensified and Jeremy buried his face in his knees, breathing heavily. It was a small mercy that he’d ducked out of class before the panic attack hit its peak, but now he was just alone behind the school with the voice in his head. He felt like he was being torn apart in the one place where he felt safe and wanted -- in the shadows with his boyfriend.

**_“Boyfriend? Ha!”_ ** Jeremy swallowed the bile that was beginning to rise in his throat.  **_“You’re going to call that psychotic basket case your boyfriend?”_ **

_ Don’t… don’t talk about him that way. _

**_“Speaking of charity cases! I’d say it was quite noble of you to try and befriend someone so entirely unlovable, but it’s not noble -- it’s pathetic. As well as the only choice you have. Because as we’ve established, you’re terrible too!”_ **

_ Shut up…  _ Jeremy squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head back and forth in a futile attempt to get the voice out.  _ Shut up… th-that’s not true.  _

**_“The really pathetic part is that he doesn’t even love you back! You should have expected that.”_ **

_ I failed him. I’m a failure and a loser and an idiot and just… just… _

**_“Terrible.”_ **

_ I’m terrible.  _

**_“Say it.”_ **

Jeremy choked out a sob and murmured the familiar mantra into his jeans. 

“Everything about me is terrible, everything about me makes me wanna die… everything about me is terrible, everything about me makes me-”

“Jeremy?” a horrified voice cut through the buzzing in his brain. It was like white noise, overwhelming everything and numbing every bit of him.

“E-everything about me makes me,” Jeremy started again, not lifting his head. “W-w-wanna...die…”

“Jeremy, stop!” the voice called desperately. “It’s wrong about you. The Squip always lies!” Jeremy hadn’t heard anyone refer to it by name in a long time. He wasn’t prepared to hear it mentioned, to have his fear justified. His thought train faltered, and he lifted his head a bit to see Rich fussing over him. Jeremy tried to speak but found his mouth too dry and no words on his mind except the mantra. Rich sat down next to him and gently wiped his tears away with his thumb. Jeremy hated his stupid body and his stupid brain because he was doing his damndest to calm down but despite everything, he was still shaking. Rich noticed too, and carefully stripped his flannel and draped it over Jeremy’s shoulders. 

“Rich…” he finally choked out. Rich didn’t say anything but just kept looking at Jeremy calmly, waiting for him to calm down. Jeremy couldn’t take his eyes off of Rich’s burn scars. There was no way Rich could be comfortable having them visible like this. He had to return the flannel. He began to reach for it with a still-shaking hand, but Rich just set a gentle hand on his shoulder and shook his head.

“Don’t worry about me. I’m worried about you right now.”

Jeremy tried taking deep breaths, but they kept coming out as raspy gasps. 

**_“You’re being selfish by making him care about you.”_ **

“I-I-It’s…” Jeremy stammered out between sobs. “The Sq...the…” He started crying again, and Rich scooted closer, carefully running a finger back and forth on Jeremy’s shoulder. “I...I don’t even know if it’s real or whatever but…” Jeremy let a few more tears pour out. “I-I can’t stop hearing it!”

“Jeremy, you’re stronger than you think, I promise,” Rich said. “It’s gone.”

“It’s not gone!” Jeremy cried. He’d finally stopped shaking, but now everything just ached. “It’s never going to go away and…” He didn’t bother finishing, but leaned over and buried his face in his knees once more, letting his tears flow freely. He felt Rich start to rub his back tentatively with his hand, shushing him. Jeremy let himself lean fully into Rich.

“It’s wrong about you,” Rich whispered to him.

“You don’t know that,” Jeremy protested quietly.

“Yes, I do,” Rich said. “I heard what it was making you say. You’re not terrible Jeremy. And you’re the only reason I still hang around this damn place. I…”

Jeremy looked up, meeting Rich’s gaze. He held his breath.

“...I…” Rich started again. “I care about you.” Jeremy’s heart began to pound as Rich raised a hand to his cheek and caressed it gently. “It’s easy to when you’re this cute.”

“Pfft…” Jeremy snorted out, breaking into a grin despite himself. Rich began to run his hands through Jeremy’s hair, eyes soft and open, and the static in his brain finally began to recede. Not being able to hold himself back any longer, Jeremy leaned forward and captured Rich in a hug. 

“I hear it too,” Rich said after a minute. Jeremy stiffened. That wasn’t surprising… at least he knew that Rich understood. “You’re stronger than it, remember?” Jeremy nodded and carefully pulled away from the hug. Then he captured Rich in a kiss, letting the rest of the tightness in his stomach dissipate as he focused on the warmth of Rich’s lips against his. When they pulled apart, Rich swiftly wiped away the remaining tears on Jeremy’s cheeks and smiled at him warmly. Jeremy nuzzled into him, getting a small yelp of surprise out of Rich. They both leaned against the brick of the school, staring out at the clouds. 

“You aren’t mad at me?” Jeremy said after a second. Rich shook his head.

“No,” he said. “I didn’t mean to accuse you of anything… I just got paranoid and I started hearing my Squip and… it was bad. But no, I’m not mad at you.”

“I’m sorry,” Jeremy said.

“It’s okay,” Rich said. “I… don’t know what it means… them posting it like that… but it's not your fault that they did.” Rich took Jeremy hand and squeezed it reassuringly. “And even if I was mad, I wouldn’t just leave you here.”

“Why were you out here anyway?” Jeremy asked. 

Rich laughed a bit to himself. 

“You really wanna know?” he asked. Jeremy nodded.

“I don’t go to class,” Rich admitted. “I’m always either out here or in the bathrooms or whatever. I just do my homework and turn it in before or after class so I don’t fail.”

“Oh,” Jeremy said softly. “I thought that’s why you dressed all incognito. So you could still go to class.” Rich just shrugged.

“It’s just extra insurance. Also, a very cute boy told me that he likes me in glasses…” Jeremy laughed a bit a snuggled closer to Rich, letting out a sigh.

“H-hey,” Jeremy said after a minute. “Come over tomorrow.” He felt Rich loosen his grip just a little. Jeremy met his eyes and saw Rich blushing slightly, eyes wide.

“Wait… are you saying you wanna…”

Jeremy nodded. Rich smiled and held Jeremy tighter. 

“Okay.”

“You’re okay with it?” Jeremy asked.

“Jeremy, are you serious?” Rich chuckled. “You’ve been in my spank bank since I got the damn pill out of my brain.” 

“Wow, Rich,” Jeremy said sarcastically, nuzzling into Rich’s arms and grinning like an idiot. “You have such a way with words.”

 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

 

"Hey, Jeremy!" Christine called. He turned and saw her running up behind him, her sneakers squeaking on the concrete. When Jeremy was facing her, he couldn’t help but realize that despite the fact that she’d called for him loudly, she didn’t look that enthusiastic. Christine looked serious. She wouldn't make eye contact with him and was fidgeting with her hands as she would often do. She almost looked a bit... nervous... or guilty. So, she was in on whatever crusade his friends were on. If they were on a crusade. "This won't be long, but I wanted to ask you something." Jeremy's eyes flickered from side to side, wondering if this was some sort of joke or set up.

"Okay?" Jeremy squeaked out.

"Are you happy?" she asked. Jeremy blinked. 

"Huh?"

"Are you happy?" she repeated. Jeremy ran a hand through his hair and tried his best to calm his nerves.  _ What kind of question is that? _

"Yeah," he answered after a minute. "I guess I am." His answer seemed to satisfy Christine, as she visibly relaxed and shot him a small smile.    


"Good," she said. "I'm glad." She turned to leave and Jeremy was about to begin processing the interaction when she turned back once again. 

"Oh, one more thing," she said. "If you... ever talk to someone who needs it... a certain line of Shakespeare was on my mind today."   


"R-really?" Jeremy asked nervously. "Um. Okay, hit me."   


"'This above all; to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.'"   


"A-are you saying I'm lying about something?" Jeremy stammered. Christine shook her head and smiled warmly at him.   


"The advice isn't for you," she said. "And that's not what I mean. I think you need to brush up on your Shakespeare, Jeremy. I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“Wait, no!” Jeremy said. Christine stopped and stepped back so she was facing him again. “I mean, yeah, I will read more Shakespeare,” Jeremy stammered out. “But… uh… do you know something?”

“What do you mean?” Christine asked. 

“I…” Jeremy started. “Y-y-you tell me! Please, just tell me what you’re talking about. I’m tired of riddles and everyone acting weird around me! Just tell me what you mean...please?” Christine nodded her head and sighed, playing a bit with the fabric of her skirt.

“I know about you and Rich,” Christine finally said. Jeremy’s blood ran cold and he felt his head beginning to throb. Christine waved her hands frantically, backtracking. “But I’m the only one who knows! And I’m not going to tell anyone!” Jeremy tried taking some deep breaths, having to steady himself against the wall before he could fully respond.

“But the poem…” Jeremy breathed out. “Why-”

“We found it in your pocket,” Christine admitted, cringing. “The rest of them… they know you’re hooking up with someone. They just don’t know who.”

“We’re not hooking up!” Jeremy protested. “We’re-”

“In love?” Christine finished for him. 

“Well… at least I am,” Jeremy said. “But we haven’t even… you know. Not yet.”

“Listen, I’m sure they don’t mean any harm by it,” Christine said softly. “But just… be careful. I’m going to do my best to deter them but more than anything I think you and Rich should only be as public as you want to be.”

Jeremy nodded. 

“Will you tell him what I said?” Christine asked. “Whenever you get the chance.”

“He’s coming over after school tomorrow, actually,” Jeremy said. He could feel his face flushing a bit. The anticipation of what that afternoon would entail was like a dream. It wasn’t just the promise of sex, (though Jeremy was definitely looking forward to that), it was the prospect of seeing Rich somewhere where he didn’t feel like he had to hide. Somewhere where he didn’t have to keep his voice low and could push his hair back and give Jeremy a better view of his mesmerizing hazel eyes. He wanted to cuddle Rich and hold him close, their hands intertwined, their feet tangled. 

“Hey, Romeo,” Christine laughed, snapping her fingers. Jeremy was pulled from his fantasy and smiled at Christine sheepishly.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Christine said. “You obviously love him. You guys have something wonderful together, I can tell. I’m gonna help you protect that.”

“Thank you…” Jeremy said, finally breaking into a smile. “Thank you, Christine.” Without hesitating, he captured her in a hug. Christine was on his side. Rich was there to support him and kiss him. Michael always had his best interests at heart. The others… well… the others would come around. In that moment, Jeremy felt like things were good enough. And he could live with that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *to the tune of the "i hate my body" vine*
> 
> i hate!!!! this chapter!!! I HATE!!!! THIS CHAPTER!!!
> 
> (like its fine it just took forever and i feel like its a bit unfocused? idk. i had a lot going on mentally while writing it so that might be why)


	8. Over and Out

Michael was conflicted, to say the very least. Investigating with his friends was really fun, there was no doubt about that. It added some excitement and suspense to the drab hellscape known as high school, and it was clear that they all were growing closer because of it. It was like one big inside joke… a strange bonding experience. But it was at the expense of his best friend. Michael hadn’t considered Jeremy’s feelings about the whole thing when they’d started, and now the whole investigation seemed too far along to stop. Did that make him an asshole? Was he being an asshole? Quite possibly. But he really did want Jeremy to feel comfortable telling him things again. He just wanted to be an important part of Jeremy’s life again. He was just taking some initiative. 

Michael considered mentally listing out some pros and cons of telling Jeremy what they were doing and shutting it down, like he’d nearly done at lunch earlier. He couldn’t get a list started though - lists weren’t how Michael made decisions. He just did what he thought was best and didn’t overthink it. Followed his heart or some bullshit. 

Michel let out a groan and collapsed on his bed, staring the ceiling, covered in plastic glow-in-the-dark stars that probably would fall down before long. He remembered a day long ago where he and Jeremy tore open the bag and enthusiastically stuck the stars onto his ceiling, precariously perched on top of wobbly desk chairs. Some had fallen down already. 

Michael wondered with a passing thought if he should just go buy more to make it look like it used to. But it wouldn’t be the same. 

_ "I just don't want people thinking anything about me that isn't true,"  _ Jeremy had said. Michael sighed and grabbed his pillow, hugging it close to his chest. He knew it was awful to assume things about his best friend, but he really felt like he was getting close to… something. Jeremy had to be seeing someone. He had to be. And the fact that Jeremy hadn’t told him about it….

Well. It didn’t feel that fucking great.

And as much as he wanted to blame Jeremy, Michael felt like  _ he  _ was the one who had failed. Was he trying to force things? Maybe Jeremy just wasn’t as comfortable opening up to him now because he thought Michael didn’t understand his issues. 

_ “ _ I _ care what people think!”  _ Jeremy had snapped bitterly.  _ “You know that.” _

Michael let go off the pillow and let it fall unceremoniously to the floor. Even though the dust had settled, the ruins remained. Jeremy still didn’t trust him. All his new friends seemed to sort-of hate each other for various reasons, and in the midst of it, Michael felt like he was pulling strings blindly. He’d always been a fixer -- he just couldn’t ignore it if he thought Jeremy had a problem the whole time they were growing up together. Operation “Find Out Who Jeremy’s Fucking” might bring him closer to Jeremy by breaking down any remaining walls or it could alienate him from his best friend in the worst way for invading his privacy. It could bring a bunch of high-schoolers involved in the same computerized drug trip together or it could bring out the worst in all of them and stir up even more drama. 

“Fuck,” Michael whispered to himself. He didn’t want to smoke just to escape his dilemma per se… but he felt ill-equipped to handle all those thoughts, at least that particular evening. He was just getting up to retrieve his stash when his phone started buzzing next to him.  _ Who the heck calls anymore?  _

“Hel-”

“Michael, do you think it’s slutty of me if I hook up with Brooke’s eighth grade boyfriend?” Chloe said through the receiver, wasting no time. Michael blinked up at the ceiling, taking about ten seconds to fully process Chloe’s words.

“What? Who?  _ What? _ ”

“I mean she was with him in  _ eighth grade  _ and that was like ten years ago…”

“...three years go…”

“Whatever. Am I slut if I suck his dick or what?” 

Suddenly Michael wasn’t so sure he wanted to know any details of Jeremy’s sex life whatsoever. 

“Why are you asking me?” he asked. He could practically feel her roll her eyes through the receiver. 

“Because you seem good at advice. Now, are you gonna give me some or what?”

“Who are we talking about again?” Michael asked, sighing into his free hand. 

“Drew Sinclair,” Chloe said slowly. “Brooke was with him in eighth grade. Should I or should I not have sex with him?”

“Is there like… a girl code?” Michael asked.

“Fuck ‘girl code’. What’s the statute of limitations in terms of a best friend’s claim on a guy?”

“Chloe, I’ve never dated anyone before,” Michael said dryly. “But if you’re so concerned about hurting Brooke’s feelings then don’t risk it and just find another guy.” 

“Hm. I’ll consider it,” Chloe said. Michael was almost a little offended at her dismissal. Sure, he didn’t know anything about dating or girls for that matter, but she  _ had  _ asked. Maybe he really wasn’t good at fixing things.

“So… is that all?” Michael asked tiredly. 

“Oh yeah,” Chloe said. “I also wanted to tell you that I have a new plan for finding out which girl has your best friend as her boy toy.”

“ _ Phrasing, _ ” Michael insisted. “Jesus Christ.”

“We should stalk him,” Chloe said. 

“What?” Michael yelled in the receiver. “ _ What?  _ No! Horrible idea! Do you hear the words coming out of your mouth right now? Do you hear them?”

“Not in a creepy way,” Chloe continued, unaffected. “But it’s like we all were discussing -- he disappears a lot. But where to? Or, rather, who with?”

“He can’t just follow him to wherever he’s going,” Michael pointed out. “He’d either spot us or we’d be too far behind to follow him.” 

“Duh,” Chloe said. “That’s where these come in.” Before he could ask, his phone buzzed against his cheek, so he pulled it away from his face and put it on speaker. Then he checked his texts. Chloe had sent him an image, and he was almost scared to open it. But curiosity outweighed his skepticism in a matter of seconds. 

“Ohmygod…” Michael breathed. “Ohmygod. Are those… walkie talkies?”

“They are,” Chloe said. “And I know you’re into this nostalgia shit, Mell.”

“People still use them today,” Michael scoffed reflexively. 

“Last I checked, you aren’t a mall cop.”

“Tell me your plan,” Michael said, finally closing the image. He smiled a bit as he remembered hiding around his house with Jeremy, communicating through their Batman walkie talkies and playing spies. 

_ “I’m gonna find you, Dr. Bad,” Michael said into the receiver. You can’t hide forever! Over.” _

_ “You will never learn the secrets of my death ray of mass destruction!” Jeremy’s voice giggled back through the speaker. “If you want my blueprints, you’re gonna have to find me and kill me yourself!” _

_ “You have to say over! Over.” _

_ “Oh, whoops………..over.” _

“Wait a second,” Michael said before Chloe could start. “You’re manipulating me, aren’t you? What is this, bribery?” 

“Kinda,” Chloe said. He could practically hear her shrugging. “Greenlight my plan and you get to use your nerdy spy toys.” 

“I’m listening.”

“So you, Jenna, and Christine all noted that Jeremy ducks out of class sometimes for ‘bathroom breaks’ that last like twenty minutes or more. Now, assuming he’s not dealing drugs or struggling with IBS, that means he’s fucking someone in a closet.” 

“Okay, I’m with you so far…”

“So, the next time Jeremy ducks out of class, whoever has that class with him will alert the others via walkie talkie so whoever is closest can attempt to intercept him.”

“Okay…”

“And then the nearest person tries to catch a glimpse of who he’s seeing,” Chloe said. “Ideally, before Jeremy whips it out.” Chloe finished her explanation with an air of satisfaction.

“Wouldn’t texting be more inconspicuous?” Michael wondered aloud.

“Do you  _ want  _ to text?” Chloe asked incredulously.

“Fine. Let’s do it,” Michael said. 

“Cool,” Chloe said. “I’ll text the group chat and bring them tomorrow. Anything to break the monotony before Spring Break.”

“Do you really think we should be doing this?” Michael asked after a minute.

“Hm?” Chloe said. “Of course. Later.”

And with zero fanfare, the call ended.  

 

…

 

“This is Marley,” Michael said into his walkie talkie. “Over.”

“Oh, I get it,” Jake’s voice came through the receiver. “Like  _ Marley and Me _ . Over.”

“No, like Bob Marley, Jake,” Michael deadpanned. “Over.”

“Oh good,” Jake said. “That movie’s really sad.”

“We know, Jake,” Chloe said.

“It makes me cry every time.”

“We know, Jake,” Chloe said.

“Guys,” Jenna said. “This is Eagle One. We’re supposed to be using our code names. Over.”

“This is Sephora,” Chloe said. “Why is your name ‘Eagle One’? That’s so basic. Over.”

“It’s a classic, what’s your deal, Sephora? Over.”

“This is… uh… I didn’t think of a code name. Is that a problem?” Brooke asked. 

“Eh, you’re fine,” Michael said as he turned away from his locker and began to head towards his first period. “Is the chicken in the nest? Over.”

“Huh?” Brooke asked. Michael rolled his eyes.

“Is Jeremy in class?”

“Oh,” Brooke said. “Yeah. I have eyes on the target. Over.”

“What are you doing?” a voice came from behind him. Michael froze before sighing and pivoting around guiltilty, plastering on his most innocent smile. 

“Heeey Christine,” Michael greeted her. Christine didn’t return his greeting. She was staring intently at the walkie talkie in Michael’s hand. “Um,” Michael said. “It’s… performance art.”

“Michael, do you know what performance art even is?” Christine asked, pouting a bit at him.

“... Not really.”

Christine let out a huff and took the receiver from him, pressing the talk button. 

“Who’s a part of this charade?” Christine asked. “Sound off.” There was nothing but silence for a couple tense seconds. 

“You didn’t say over,” Jenna’s voice finally came through the receiver. 

“Oh for the love of…” Christine trailed off. She dropped her arm and handed the walkie talkie back to Michael, frowning. “This is about Jeremy, isn’t it.”

“We’re just having fun,” Michael protested weakly.

“Yeah, I know…” Christine said. “I’m just… worried. I know you just want to fix things with Jeremy, but wouldn’t asking him directly be a better way to do it?”

“Yeah, probably,” Michael said. He felt like he was being lectured, but it wasn’t as if it wasn’t deserved. “But the others are finally getting along… like this whole thing is dumb but at least they’re all working together and we almost seem like a group of close friends.”

“So you’re saying that if you stop this, you feel like you’re denying all of them chances to get along?” Christine asked. “There’ll be other things. Friendships take time.”

“I know that, but that’s the thing…” Michael said. “I don’t think I  _ can  _ stop it.”

“What?”

“They’re all too invested now!” Michael explained. “I got them all curious and with people like Chloe and Jenna onboard, they’re gonna see this through to the end.” Michael sighed and started to fidget with the sleeve of his sweatshirt with his free hand. “And whatever happens… if Jeremy gets upset about it, I’m going to be there when it happens. I can’t just drop out to get off scot-free, because I started this. And if shit hits the fan, I’m gonna get a facefull of it.”

“Oh,” Christine said quietly. “That was admirable until the last part.” 

“And there’s one other thing, I guess,” Michael continued. “The last time I decided to talk to Jeremy about a problem instead of acting right away… Jake’s house caught on fire and the whole cast of the play got… y’know.” Christine flinched at his words and averted her eyes. “I thought I could talk him down on Halloween because I thought I knew him better than anyone. That I’d always be able to get through to him. But… I couldn’t. And I almost completely gave up on him, too.”

“But those were different circumstances,” Christine argued. 

“We don’t know that,” Michael said. “You’re as in the dark about this as I am, and I’m telling you, I just  _ know  _ something sketchy is going on. Jeremy tells me everything. Everything! But he’s keeping a huge secret like this from me? So soon after everything? I just…” Michael let out a long sigh. “I don’t know if I can afford to wait for the right time. I feel like I have to act, for his sake.”

“And what if you’re wrong?” Christine pressed defiantly. “What if Jeremy’s happy? What if all you’re doing is breaking his trust so you can have a little fun?” The warning bell rang out through the hall -- one long blaring tone. Once it quieted down, Michael spoke. 

“I don’t know,” he said honestly. “I...uh… I should get to class.”

 

…

 

“The chicken has left the coop! I repeat the chicken has left the coop!” Michael’s eyes shot open as he raised his head from his desk, where he’d been dozing off in a math lecture. The teacher paused and turned to look at the rows of desk, cocking an eyebrow.

“This is Eagle One! The chicken has left English! Someone intercept!” Michael coughed loudly over the noise to disguise the words and avoid suspicion, only to find the teacher glaring at him. 

“Um,” Michael said, raising his hand half-heartedly. “Can I go to the nurse?” The teacher sighed and motioned for him to leave, turning back to the board and droning on about integrals or something. 

Michael ran as fast as he could to the English hallway, which was only a short distance from the Math hallway. 

“This is Marley. I’m on my way. Over and out.” Then he turned off his walkie talkie and stuff it in his hoodie pocket. Jeremy wasn’t in the English hallway, so Michael turned onto a branching hallway that he knew had a sizable janitor’s closet. Then he could just try the handle and hope he didn’t see anything too traumatizing. And if he wasn’t in there, Michael could just go back to class and resign himself to thinking that this time, Jeremy really did just have to pee. 

Then he saw someone wearing a striped shirt dart around the corner. Michael narrowed his eyes and followed, staying close to the wall. When he poked his head around the corner, he just saw a door to the outside swinging shut. Michael took out his phone and texted the group, since he’d been too short-sighted to make code-words for locations. 

 

|From: Michael|  Jeremy just went through a back door. 

 

|From: Michael|  Hallways off of the english classrooms, next to the broken water fountain

 

|From: Brooke|  the BJ spot????

 

|From: Jenna|  shield your eyes protect your innocence

 

Michael tucked his phone away, swallowing. Was he really just about to walk in on Jeremy? What was he going to say? What was he even expecting to see on the other side of that door? He closed his eyes for a second and grounded himself.  _ I have to do this. My gut’s telling me something’s wrong, so I’m gonna act and I’m gonna act now. _

He walked as quietly as he could over to the door and had just started to push it open when he heard Jeremy’s voice.

“-couldn’t wait ‘till after school?” There was something strange in his tone. It was similar to the tone he’d use when he was bantering with Michael, but there was something underneath it. A different kind of tease. Michael grimaced when he realized.  _ Ew… _

“What can I say?” a new voice responded. Michael covered his mouth quickly, hands jumping away from the door like it was a stove.  _ Oh no. That… that sounds like…  _ “I like reading the synopsis first.”

“Dork.”

“You’re a dork.”

It sounded like they stopped talking after that, but Michael was already backing away, shaking his head and heaving out heavy breaths. 

_ Jeremy’s seeing a guy.  _

Of course, he didn’t want to assume, but that voice he heard was distinctly masculine. Not to mention the fact that it made too much goddamn sense.  _ Stupid, stupid, stupid!  _ Michael yelled at himself.  _ He wasn’t ready to come out! You pried and this is what you got! You broke his trust, just like Christine said. _

Sure, Michael had had his suspicions that Jeremy was bi or pan or whatever label he wanted. Sure, it hurt that Jeremy didn’t think Michael was a safe person to come out to, or rather, that he didn’t want to come out to Michael for whatever reason. But to dwell on either of those things would be selfish. Michael felt like the scum of the earth. 

He ducked into a bathroom, which was thankfully empty, and turned on his walkie-talkie again. 

“It’s Michael. Everyone meet at my car after school.”

 

…

 

“Where exactly are we going?” Jake asked after a second. Michael just kept staring intensely at the road ahead of him. They’d been texting him all throughout the remaining two periods digging for information, but frankly, Michael didn’t know what to say. So, naturally, when they’d all piled in the car, he just started driving, lips pursed, brow furrowed, mind blank. 

“Michael, this is a bit concerning,” Brooke piped up. “Can you at least tell us if you found out anything?” Michael gripped the steering wheel tighter.

“We’re going to all go apologize to Jeremy,” he said.

“Huh?” Jake asked. “What happened?”

“Michael…” Brooke said gently. “Is this about-”

“Yeah,” Michael said tightly. “We’ve already overstepped our boundaries with this stupid game and now we’re going to feast on some motherfucking humble pie. Got it?” He expected them to protest, but none of them said a word, not even Chloe. Michael glanced down for a second and saw that his knuckles were turning white from his intense grip. He loosened his hands a little. 

“Okay, dude,” Jake said. “We’re with you.” Michael saw them all nodding along through the backseat mirror, and he felt a bit calmer. He’d messed up big time, they all had. But at least the nightmare was going to be over. He pulled into Jeremy’s driveway, and thankfully, it looked like Jeremy was already there, since the car he drove was parked out front. 

“Alright,” Michael said, pivoting around to debrief his friends. “We go in. We apologize. We don’t pry. We don’t ask who he’s been seeing. We make no jokes about all the dic-... sex he’s having. Got it?” Jenna mocked saluted while the others just nodded. “Good. Everyone out.”

As they all reluctantly piled out of the car, Michael phone started vibrating in his back pocket. Caller ID said that it was Christine, so he decided to take it.

“Heya,” Michael said. 

“Michael,” Christine said. “Did you think about what we talked about?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Michael said, side-eyeing the other four teenagers as they listened in. “Actually, Chris, we’re all at Jeremy’s house right now. We’re going to apologize.”

“Apologize?” Christine repeated through the receiver. Then it sounded like she inhaled sharply. “Wait. Jeremy’s house? Now?”

“Yeah,” Michael said. “We aren’t gonna waste any time. Guess I should have listened to you earlier, but we’re gonna try to make it right. Gotta go.” 

“Wa-”

Michael hung up and gestured for the others to follow him to the front door. Chloe walked in front and tried the handle to no avail. 

“It’s locked?” Michael asked out loud. “Since when does he lock the front door?” 

“Should we come back later?” Jake asked. 

“No,” Michael said. “There’s a key around here somewhere.” Jenna leaned down and overturned the nearest rock and sure enough, there was the spare key.

“Does this count as breaking and entering?” Brooke asked.

“We’re not breaking anything,” Michael said with a shrug. “We’re just entering. But hey, maybe one of these days, we’ll break and enter for real.” He unlocked the door and they filed into the living room. Jeremy wasn’t anywhere to be found, so that meant he had to be in his room. They all filed up the stairs in silence, (helping Jake as much as they could), while Michael began to work out his apology in his head.  _ Explain what you did. Don’t try to justify your actions, just own them. Don’t let any of them grovel for mercy –– you’re better than that.  _

When they were right in front of the door Michael nodded at them and they nodded back. Then, taking a deep breath, Michael pushed open the door. 

“Hey, Jeremy, can we-”

There was someone sitting on top of Jeremy’s bed. On top of Jeremy. Someone with his hands in Jeremy’s hair and lips on Jeremy’s neck. In an instant, Michael made eye contact with Jeremy, who let out a loud yelp and pushed the other boy off of his lap, where he fell to the side with a yell and face planted onto the floor. Michael heard the telltale noise of glasses breaking -- they must have belonged to the other boy-- and then there was just silence. Michael’s hand hadn’t left the doorknob and his words had died in his throat. Jeremy was paler than ever, eyes darting around from face to face as if he was trying to process that his friends were, in fact, standing there in the room with him. 

Finally, the silence was broken when the other boy sat up and addressed Jeremy. 

“What the fu-” Then he too seemed to notice the small crowd gathered in the doorway. Somehow, if at all possible, he looked even more terrified than Jeremy did. 

“Rich?” Jake asked shakily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you alex for the chapter title sdkajfbasjk
> 
> (told you it was a big chapter)


	9. This is the Worst

“Rich?” Jake’s voice echoed throughout the room. It was entirely silent. The name hung in the air like some kind of curse, while Jeremy’s eyes drifted from face to face. Jenna, Jake, Chloe, Brooke, and… and Michael. They were all there in the doorway. They all knew. Jeremy felt his heart begin to pound. His eyes flickered over to the floor, where Rich was. It looked like he’d been moving to stand up, but now was entirely frozen, unadulterated terror in his eyes. Jeremy looked back at his friends and registered their varying degrees of disbelief. Or was it disgust? And at the front of the pack was Michael, looking like he was failing to process any of it. 

When the silence was finally broken, it was the familiar noise of a vibrating phone –– Jeremy’s phone that was sitting on his nightstand. Almost on autopilot, Jeremy reached for it and answered the call.

“Hello?” he asked tentatively. His voice cut violently through the silence, but still, no one else moved an inch.

“Jeremy?” Christine’s voice came through the receiver. “Oh, thank god. Listen, you need to hide Rich or get him outta there. Michael and the others are coming over to your house and they’re gonna see you!” Jeremy closed his eyes and inhaled.

“You don’t say,” he said slowly. He opened his eyes and stared right at his friends who were gathered in the doorway. “They’re coming over. To my house. And we should probably hide.”

“Yes! Jeremy, you don’t have much time!”

“Right,” he said, his gaze never faltering. “Thanks for the heads up.” Then, he leaned down and addressed Rich. “Christine says we should probably hide to avoid being walked in on. Isn’t that nice of her?” Rich didn’t move from his position, but his eyes flickered over to Jeremy and he raised an eyebrow incredulously. “We appreciate it,” Jeremy said into the phone. Then he hung it up and gingerly set it down on the nightstand again. 

“Oh my god…” Jenna whispered out eventually. 

“Rich?”Jake repeated. “Is that really you?” Jeremy saw Rich tense up, but he didn’t respond. 

“Fuuuck…” Michael mumbled out. “Okay. Ohhhkay. This is the worst. This is the worst possible outcome…”

“My exes are screwing!” Brooke said through her teeth. “That’s. Great.”

“It’s uh…” Jeremy stammered out. “Not… what it looks like?” The excuse felt lame even as he was saying it. The silent staring contest resumed for a couple seconds, but at least no one was calling him out on his shitty excuse. 

“What’s with the nerd getup?” Chloe asked Rich with a dry laugh. “Some kind of role-playing thing?”

“No!” Jeremy protested, sitting up properly on the bed. “It’s… well… hey, what are you guys doing here, anyway?”

“What are  _ we  _ doing?” Michael repeated. “What are  _ you  _ doing?”

“He’s doing Rich, apparently,” Jenna said. 

“Hey midget,” Chloe said to Rich, snapping her fingers. “Care to explain?” Rich still looked completely out of it. He stared right through Chloe, denial spread across his features. The only motion that indicated that he was even still conscious was his right hand, that was gripping the bedspread as if he were just longing to stand up and continue what they’d been doing before, not giving a damn who saw. 

“I...” Rich tried. Then he went silent again. He quickly took his glasses, which now had one shattered lens, off his face, but didn’t move from his position or try to say anything more.

“Jeremy?” Michael said eventually.

“Yes?” Jeremy squeaked out.

“Rich Goranski? You’re fooling around with  _ Rich Goranski?  _ How does that make any goddamn sense? Are you out of your mind?” Michael sounded like he was going through four out of five of the stages of grief, all at once. 

“Is it a Squip thing?” Michael said, horror suddenly lacing his voice. “Oh fuck, it  _ is  _ isn’t it. That’s the only explanation. Fuck, fuck… no no this is fine.” 

“How is that fine?” Brooke cut in.

“Well, at least I know how to deal with Squips!” Michael said.

“It’s not that!” Jeremy protested, frustration growing. “We’re just…” He gestured a bit, trying to think of the best way to phrase it. “I mean, we just… uh… well…”

“Is he making you do this?” Michael pressed. “I swear to god if he’s threatening you-”

“Michael, it’s not like that!” Jeremy yelled. “This is an equally consensual activity!” Michael bit his lip and began to pace back in forth in front of the others, stepping a bit further into the room. 

“So… you are…  _ choosing _ … to sleep with him.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to say!” Jeremy insisted.

“You have shit taste, Jerry,” Chloe bit out. She stepped into view from behind Michael, placing a hand on her hip and directing her glare at Rich, who now had his gaze fixed on the floor. “He’s nothing but a sexist pig who doesn’t know when to shut up.”

“Y-yeah!” Brooke cut in from behind her. “You deserve someone who treats you well. We’ll find you someone better, I promise.”

“Guys…” Jake said, his voice barely loud enough to be heard at all. 

“He’s not right in the head,” Jenna said. “I mean, look! He’s not even saying anything! Oh yeah… and let’s not forget that he’s an actual arsonist. So. There’s that.”

“Why why why why  _ why  _ would you go for someone like him?” Michael said. “Do I even  _ need  _ to remind you that he called you names and shoved you against lockers? Fucking hell, Jeremy, there’s no one in the whole damn school who’s hurt you more!”

“Wait wait,” Jenna said, holding up a hand. “What about the poem? Who wrote that for you, Jeremy?” Jeremy blinked, not understanding.  _ Isn’t that obvious? _

“Yeah,” Jake said. “Who else are you seeing? Or are you just uh…” He coughed, scratching the back of his neck uncomfortably. “Experimenting?”

“Holy shit, Jeremy!” Michael said with growing concern, raking his hands through his hair. “Exactly how many people are you fucking? How deep does this rabbit hole go?”

“Even if he’s just another in a long chain of hookups,” Brooke said, “It’s still not a good idea to do anything with someone like Rich…”

“That’s not…” Jeremy tried.

“What is it then?” Chloe challenged.

“I’m bisexual,” Jeremy said softly. “And Rich is my… “ He swallowed.  _ His boyfriend.  _ But how official could it possibly be if it was all a secret? And should he dare use the label when this could very well be the end for the two of them? “Rich is… the only person I’m seeing,” Jeremy said. 

“You’re exclusive with  _ Rich Goranski? _ ” Michael practically yelled. He let out an inhuman sort of noise that sounded more like an anguished sob than a scream of anger into his hands. “Fuck. Fuck. This is the worst. What the fuck do I do?” Then he sighed and dropped his hands to his sides, looking at Jeremy earnestly.

“Do we need to go over all the reasons this is a bad idea again? I just… can’t think of any logical reason why you’d let him… you know…? What were you thinking?”

“Um… well…” Jeremy could feel sweat collecting on his neck as his brain ran a mile a minute, getting nowhere. What was he supposed to say with them all ganging up on him like this?

Then a laugh broke him out of it. A slow, cocky laugh that he recognized from the times he’d heard it throughout sophomore year. Rich shakily stood up, still chuckling to himself.  _ What is he doing?  _

“You’re all funny,” Rich said. “Really. You’re all so full of  _ shit,  _ you know?” He paused to laugh some more. Jeremy didn’t know what to do. He expected Rich to react badly to the situation, of course, (in a situation as upsetting as their current one, there was no good way to react), but this… was concerning.

“Rich…” Jeremy said weakly.

“You all think I’m the  _ bad guy?”  _ Rich said, stepping forward and tilting his head mockingly to the side. “That  _ I _ was the bad seed in your little  _ clique? _ Ha! I had a Squip commanding me around for almost two years, teaching me how to be just like the popular kids! So, if you don’t like the way I acted, what does that say about all of you?”

“Oh, cut the crap!” Chloe hissed.

“No!” Rich snapped back. “You guys don’t get to act like everything’s all hunky-dory. I know you all too well. I’m not gonna fall for this ‘best friends forever’ act. You’re all just pieces of shit. You know, everyone at school thinks I’m insane? ‘There’s crazy old Rich Goranski! He’ll blow up the school if ya look at him funny!’ So bravo to you, Rolan, for making that happen. Did you also start the rumor that I murdered my mom at 13? Or the one that I decapitate squirrels for fun? I’ve heard those in the hallways! You are a  _ masterful  _ storyteller. And Brooke,  _ thank you  _ for helping her spread all that around. Was it fun playing ‘ex of the serial killer?’ Did you have fun? Did you get yourself some sympathy points?”

“And fucking hell, she only feels like she needs that attention because of you, Chloe. I know you know you’re a bitch, but the way you treat Brooke is disgusting. Who are you being confident for? All you ever do is make us feel worse about ourselves and then expect us to keep coming back so you can do it again. Oh, and there was that time you cheated on Jake. If it was actually the ‘time’ and not the ‘times’. You’re so goddamn full of yourself that you think  _ everybody  _ wants you, but guess what? You didn’t bother asking Jeremy that when you crawled on top of him on Halloween. He told me he’s terrified of you now. And who would blame him?”

“Jake, you’re only nice to people when they’re as popular as you are or you wanna fuck them. You used to call Jeremy a freak. You never seemed to have a problem with anything I did to him. But you seemed to have washed your hands of all responsibility because everybody just loves you so goddamn much. It doesn’t fit with your perfect image. And you’re a real ass when you drink, you know that?” 

“Michael, I don’t know you all that well, and you did save my ass from the Squip, technically, but I have a bone to pick with you too. Jeremy always talks about what a great friend you are, and I genuinely believed it too until just now. What are you doing here? Why were you prying into Jeremy’s shit, huh? You ever think that he was keeping a secret for a reason? Learn some motherfucking boundaries.”

“Rich, lay off him!” Jeremy finally cut in. “I’m sure this wasn’t his idea!”

“No,” Michael said suddenly. He was biting his lip, hands stuffed into his hoodie pocket. “It was my idea.” 

_ Michael?  _ Jeremy had suspected Michael was a part of whatever mission his friends were on (back when it was all just an insane theory in his head) but this… it couldn’t be Michael’s fault. 

“So, yeah,” Rich spat with finality. “I hope you all enjoyed listening to that, because it’s just a little taste of all the shit I hear about myself from you guys...” Rich gestured vaguely at the door. Then he brought his finger to his temple. “...And in here.” Then he plastered on a sick grin again. “But I’d love to hear more if you’ve got it! I’m an asshole. I’m a monster. Who wants to cast the first fucking stone?” 

The weight of everything unsaid hung in the air like a dense cloud. It made every second of empty time seem longer, made the walls of the room trapping them in together seem closer. There was guilt and unrest in every pair of eyes. 

Jeremy didn’t know what to say. He felt betrayed on all sides, split 2 different ways. He also couldn’t help but remember all he deserved to be ostracized for.  _ I gave them all Squips. I lied to them. It’s my fault Rich got outed. It’s my fault Rich had to see them again at all. I shouldn’t have let them say all that stuff about him.  _

Then, seemingly satisfied that he’d rendered them all speechless, Rich walked to the door, everyone parting to let him through. Everyone except Jake, who was still standing where he’d been for the entire conversation, his tall frame and crutches blocking the doorway. He just gazed at Rich, his eyes starting to water.

“You didn’t call,” Jake said, his voice quivering in a way Jeremy had never imagined it could. “I… I thought you’d died.”

“Well, sorry, as always, to disappoint,” Rich bit back. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and turned his head slightly to look anywhere but Jake’s face. “Move,” Rich said after a minute. “Please?” If Jeremy hadn’t been looking for it, perhaps he wouldn’t have even noticed Jake quickly wiping at his eyes to dissolve any teardrops that had successfully formed. 

Jake nodded once after a second and shifted his crutches aside so Rich could slip past. He was sprinting down the stairs if the thumps of his footsteps were any indication. 

Jeremy suddenly felt very cold. He felt the need to just climb under his blankets and scream for a while. And cry. He just needed to be alone so he could process all of this. 

“So…” Michael finally said, all enthusiasm gone from his voice. “We’ll talk about this later, then?” Jeremy swallowed and nodded slowly, trying to keep it together until all his friends were safely on the other side of the closed door. 

“Rich sure has some fucking nerve,” Chloe started. She looked around at the others, as if hoping to rile them up into another shit-talking session, but everyone else just looked tired, and on the verge of falling apart.

“Come on, guys,” Michael said. “We shouldn’t be here.” Jeremy gave him one last grateful nod as the five teenagers shuffled out the door, leaving only Jeremy, cold, shattered, and alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you mik for the title
> 
>  
> 
> *youtuber voice* rMEMEBER to leeeve a COMMENT


	10. This Doesn't Change Anything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mik contributed 5 words to this chapter thank you mik ily

The spot they usually met in the mornings was deserted. Michael swallowed and squeezed his backpack straps like he’d often seen Jeremy do. This was bad.  _ Well, “bad” is an understatement.  _ Michael still didn’t really know what to do with himself, but figured standing awkwardly by himself and pretending not to care if people joined him was a fantastic plan. He pulled out his phone and put on a playlist to pass the time, focusing extra hard on the lyrics. 

_ “Jeremy always talks about what a great friend you are, and I genuinely believed it too until just now.” _

Michael turned up the volume two clicks, grimacing to himself. No way in hell was Rich getting to him. He was just throwing words around to see what would stick -- he didn’t really know anything about any of them. Rich was just trying to redirect blame. It hadn’t worked, that was for sure. Michael would never let that bastard get to him. 

_ “Learn some motherfucking boundaries.” _

“God damnit,” Michael mumbled aloud, turning up the volume several more notches angrily, before instantly regretting it and tapping the screen furiously to bring the volume down to a level that didn’t make his ears bleed. 

He pulled down his headphones, defeated, and scanned the passersby for any of his friends. He was mainly looking for Jeremy, though. He really needed to talk to Jeremy. 

After a bit, he picked out Jake from the crowd. He was easy to stop due to his impressive height and the way people parted around him to avoid his crutches. Michael raised a hand to wave at him, but Jake didn’t even glance his way. He looked… awful. Kind of like he’d seen a ghost. And that ghost was a 5’5” angry teenager who had called him an asshole. 

Michael really didn’t want to admit to himself that Rich kind of had a point about Jake. And the rest of them too. But it didn’t matter: he had no right,  _ no right  _ to pretend like he was above any of them. Rich was back in their lives, all of the sudden, and surprise, surprise… he was still a massive dick. When he’d stood up and gone on that rant the previous day, he’d looked and sounded just as Michael remembered him. 

Except for the lisp. But that was beside the point.

“Good morning,” Christine’s voice greeted him from behind.

“Hey,” Michael sighed. 

“Where is everyone else?” Christine asked. She glanced around a bit, clearly confused. 

“Would you believe that they’re planning you a surprise party?”

“No, Michael, I wouldn’t believe that,” Christine said, frowning. “What happened yesterday? How did the apology go?”

“The what?” Michael asked, drawing a blank.  _ Oh.  _ “Oh...yes. Right. The apology.” Christine nodded slowly, confusion spreading across her features. “Because we were going to apologize for prying into Jeremy’s sex life…” Michael trailed off.

“You were… going to?” Christine asked. “You mean you didn’t apologize?” Christine’s brow furrowed and she actually stamped her foot lightly in frustration. “Michael, I thought you were going to fix things before they got out of hand! I thought we agreed spying on Jeremy was a bad idea! Why wouldn’t you apologize?”

“Okay, yes, I fucked up,” Michael admitted. “Like, really badly. You were right, and I never should have brought everyone into that crazy, privacy-invading scheme. But, maybe it was a good thing that I made that mistake. Because now, I know what’s going on, and I’m gonna put a stop to it.” Christine narrowed her eyes at Michael, giving him a disapproving frown. 

“Why?” Christine asked. 

“Why?” Michael repeated. “You know why! At least I assume you know. Did you happen to know that he’s dating  _ Rich Goranski? _ ”

“Well… yes,” Christine admitted. “I figured it out and then told Jeremy I’d be looking out for him. I wasn’t about to tell all of you before Jeremy was ready to come out.”

“I understand that, Chris,” Michael said. “But… if you knew he was in a dangerous situation like that, it’s a little more important to tell someone who can help him, like me, than it is to keep his sexuality under wraps.”

“Michael!” Christine protested.

“In these circumstances!” Michael amended, realizing how that must have sounded. “I’m a safe person for him to come out to, obviously. And really, I’m not mad at him for keeping his sexuality private… that’s the way it should be.” Michael had to pause to swallow down his guilt. There were too many horror stories out there about being forcibly outed… he couldn’t believe he’d been the cause for this one. 

“He’s not in any danger,” Christine said. “They seem to really care about each other. You haven’t seen them together, have you?”

“Oh, I saw plenty…” Michael said. He was tired of that image of Rich on top of Jeremy popping up in his head.  _ Gross, gross, gross, gross…  _

“ _ You walked in on them? _ ” Christine screeched. A couple of nearby students turned their heads and looked at the two of them quizzically. 

“Not on purpose!” Michael whispered. People were still staring, so he nudged Christine a bit and nodded at the passing people nonchalantly. “Performance art,” he said. 

Christine rolled her eyes, looking disappointed. 

“They were both fully clothed,” Michael added. “If that helps.”

“Jesus Christ, Michael…” Christine said into her hands, groaning a bit. “At least tell me you were civil about it.”

“I was…” Michael trailed off thoughtfully. “As civil as I could be. Which, in that circumstance was… not civil at all.”

“Oh god…” Christine mumbled. Michael cringed. It was as if his own stupidity was causing her physical pain. “Were they all with you? When you walked in on Rich and Jeremy?” She looked up through her hands for just a second. Michael nodded. “God damnit…” she said into her hands. 

“Listen!” Michael insisted, grabbing Christine’s arms gently and moving her hands away from her face. “I followed my gut, and it was right this time! I know my methods sucked ass, but we need to get Rich away from Jeremy at all costs!” Christine just shook her head. “You don’t get it,” Michael continued. “We come barging in, and we all start trying to convince Jeremy that’s he making a mistake -- which he is, by the way -- and all the sudden, Rich just stands up and starts cussing everyone out! I’m telling you, he went person by person, telling us all that  _ we’re  _ bad friends and that  _ we  _ aren’t getting along. Of course we get along!”

“Well…” Christine said, biting her lip.

“Okay, so we don’t!” Michael conceded, beginning to pace. “Whatever! He still didn’t have a right to come for all our throats like that when  _ he’s  _ the problem!” Michael let out an exasperated sigh and turned back to Christine. “He’s still an asshole and a bully. I can tell. That’s why I need to get him away from Jeremy.”

“Because you think Rich is threatening him?” Christine asked. “Or mistreating him?”

“I know he is!” Michael said. “What else would he be doing? I’m just trying to get Jeremy out of that situation for his own protection!”

“Really.”

“Yes, really,” Michael said. 

“You really don’t think Rich might have changed?” Christine asked, putting a hand on her hip. “You know, he was in the same… situation… as Jeremy. After you took care of the… Squips… it’s only natural that he start acting differently. He’s free from its influence now.”

“He was too awful for too long,” Michael insisted. “People don’t change overnight, and I don’t trust him. He either fucking with Jeremy, or he’s tricking him, or something! But there’s more to this ‘fling’ than meets the eye! Do you see now why I need to break them up?” Christine studied Michael for a bit and waiting a few cold, silent seconds before speaking. 

“I don’t think that’s the only reason.”

“What other reason is there?” Michael asked, getting frustrated. “I just want what’s best for him!”

“I think,” Christine said. “That you might just not want to admit to yourself that Rich has changed because Jeremy is finding comfort from someone who’s not you. And it’s probably never happened before.” Michael scoffed, adjusting his glasses a bit. How did she come up with this stuff?

“Yeah, right,” Michael said. “As if that dickwad could offer anything to Jeremy that doesn’t resemble a punch.”

“Michael-”

“Tell me if you see Jeremy, okay?” Michael said. “And Rich too, for that matter.”

“Are you going to confront Rich?” Christine asked, looking tired. “Please don’t. We both know that’s a bad idea. After all of this, shouldn’t you just let Jeremy come to  _ you?  _ Maybe get his side of the story first?”

_ I have to let Jeremy speak for himself. I never let him do that in the first place.  _

“...yeah. I guess…” Michael said, stuffing his hands into his hoodie pockets. “I’ll just… leave it alone, then.”

“Okay,” Christine said, giving him a little nod of approval. “Good. Take care of yourself today. I have a feeling the rest of the lunch squad won’t be here today…”

 

 

* * *

 

 

He followed his resolution to leave well enough alone for almost the entire day until he saw someone who looked distinctly Rich-like dodging through the hallway. His anger at the little bastard far outweighed his self-control, and before he knew it, he was headed towards him. 

“Rich Goranski!” Michael announced right as he stepped up behind him. This confrontation had been a long time coming. Rich couldn’t hide behind his Squip anymore, and damnit, Michael was going to give the bastard a piece of his mind for all the shit he’d done to Jeremy. And also whatever the fuck they were doing together now -- (things Michael didn’t want to begin to imagine for the sake of his sanity.)

Rich whirled around like he’d been shocked, fear flashing in his eyes for just a second before he relaxed a bit, recognizing Michael. 

“What can I do for you?” Rich asked, plastering on a small smirk. 

"I'm only going to say this once," Michael said with authority. God, Rich was short. It was a lot more noticeable now. "Stop. Fucking. My best friend."

"No," Rich said. 

"No?" Michael repeated incredulously. 

"Yeah, haven't you heard?" Rich said sarcastically. "We're trying to get pregnant."

“I’m serious!” Michael hissed. He saw people around them beginning to stare, so he led Rich by the arm out to the parking lot, last period be damned. This was more important. When they stopped moving, Rich pulled his arm away indignantly. He almost looked like he was in pain, but that couldn’t have been possible… Michael hadn’t been gripping his arm that tightly at all.

"Look, Michael," Rich said, sighing.

"Nuh uh," Michael said, putting a finger to Rich's lips to shush him. "We are  _ not _ on a first name basis."

"Look...uh...I wanna say 'Mell'?" 

"Not on a last name basis either."

"Well, what the hell am I supposed to call you?" Rich asked, getting exasperated.

"Nothing," Michael said with a smirk. "You can shut up and listen." Michael took a second to prepare himself. If Rich was allowed an all-encompassing speech where he took them all down-a-peg, then it was only fair Michael got a turn. 

“You think this shit with Jeremy is cute?” Michael asked. 

“Let me guess,” Rich said cheekily. “You don’t approve?”

“Oh look at us! We’re Romeo and Juliet!” Michael said in a mocking voice. “We’re so happy together and our love is forbidden by our  _ eeeeevil  _ friends!” 

“I think we both know that no one should ever willingly compare their relationship to Romeo and Juliet. Soulmates aren’t real, and I’d rather not die by double suicide,” Rich pointed out. 

“Fine, then,” Michael said, getting frustrated. “You’re that asshole, then. The one who wants to fight everyone-“

“-Tybalt-”

“...yes, that guy. And… he gets killed, right? I’m the guy who kills you.”

“That would be Romeo,” Rich said, somehow looking tired and smug at the same time. “You don’t want to be Romeo in that story. Spoiler alert: things don’t end well for you. Maybe make sure you know your shit next time you wanna bring Shakespeare to a knife fight.”

“Holy fuck, you have a knife?” Michael couldn’t help but leap back a little.

“ _ I DON’T HAVE A-  _ Michael, what kind of psycho do you think I am?” Michael let out a huff of frustration. This wasn’t how he wanted this to go at all.

“The kind of psycho that hunts one guy down every day until he’s scared to walk in the hall unaccompanied,” Michael said, narrowing his eyes. “The kind of psycho who called him names and wrote on his backpack. The kind of psycho who can punch someone and walk away with no consequences. You gonna deny any of this, or should I keep going?”

“You don’t need to keep going,” Rich said. “I know I was awful. I was awful to you too, Michael. I haven’t apologized for that yet, but I really am sorry. All the slurs and homophobic jokes...I’m really sorry. I’m not actually homophobic, I swear.”

“I figured,” Michael deadpanned. “You’re fucking my friend, if you can recall. You called him those things too, remember? Honestly, you might be the sole reason he was scared to come out of the closet. Even to me! His best friend! His  _ gay  _ best friend! Do you realize how much you must have fucked him up?” 

"I never wanted to hurt him!" Rich insisted. "That wasn't me!"

"But it was," Michael said. "You can't just separate everything you did to him from yourself and blame it on the computer. I mean, everyone defines people differently, but I think people are defined by their actions."

"Oh, then what does that say about  _ you _ ?"

“What?” Michael asked, taken aback.

“I admit going fucking insane on all you guys at once in Jeremy’s room yesterday was a bad plan,” Rich said. “But I stand by what I said. All of it. And getting up in Jeremy’s shit just so you could have some fun with your new pals was a really shitty thing to do.”

"I'm not proud of what I did," Michael said. He could blame it on the group mind if he wanted, but that would be dishonest. He'd orchestrated most of it. He'd found some sort of sick amusement out of invading Jeremy's privacy. "Having my go at being James Bond was far from my proudest moment and I’m...going to apologize profusely to Jeremy for it as soon as I find him. That doesn't make it okay, and he probably won’t forgive me right away, but that's fine. I haven't fully forgiven him yet for the Squip. But that's because healing is a process. It's messy and angry and shitty for all parties involved. But forgiveness doesn't happen right away and it certainly doesn't happen because you decided to stick your dick into-

" _ I get it _ ," Rich cut him off. He shoved his hands in his flannel pockets and narrowed his eyes. "But you aren't even trying to forgive me. Long process or not."

"That's because I still don't trust you," Michael said simply. "Not for a second. And I may be a forgiving guy, but above all else..." Michael took a step forward and did his best to glare down at Rich. " _ No one messes with my best friend. _ " Rich hung his head a bit, biting his lip. Michael didn’t want to celebrate prematurely, but it looked like he’d finally cornered him. Rich had some sort of plan -- he had to have one. There was no reason for him not to confess. He just had to press a bit harder.

“Why are you still trying to fight?” Michael asked. “You know none of us are going to let you touch Jeremy ever again.” Rich didn’t say anything, but visibly swallowed. “What’s in this for you anyway?”

“I love him, okay?” Rich snapped. He took a breath that sounded shaky and hesitant, and Michael’s eyes widened just a little bit. “I love Jeremy,” Rich said again, more confidently. It almost sounded like he was trying out the phrase, seeing how it sounded rolling off his tongue. Rich paused and quickly wiped at his eyes. Were they beginning to mist? That was… different. 

“I know he deserves better. I do...I really do. And I’m sorry you have to see me again, but I’m not sorry for loving Jeremy. Because…” Rich paused to sniff. “...Because he’s all I have and I love him so much it scares me. And you know what? He sees something in me worth keeping around. I don’t know why because when I look at myself, all I see is a broken, barely human, mentally unstable loser, but for whatever reason, he’s decided to hold onto my sorry ass.” There was no denying it. Those were full-on waterworks. “Can’t you...can’t you just let me have that? This one thing?”

_ It’s a trick. He’s manipulating you, just like he did to Christine. It’s not real. For fuck’s sake, this is Rich Goranski.  _

"I don't know what he sees in you either," Michael said with a huff. "Maybe he's getting off on the danger." Rich wiped his tears with his sleeve and met Michael’s gaze with a resigned glare. 

"You can feel however you want about me. But maybe stop treating Jeremy like he's a four-year-old with a pistol. He can make his own decisions."

" _ Actually _ , the last time he made a big decision on his own, he tried to take over the school because he took a computer pill from some crazy druggie in a bathroom. So, he's on probation from making decisions unsupervised for a bit! Oh, and need I remind you, that  _ you _ were that druggie?"

Rich’s face darkened. He was doing that thing again… the thing where his reaction seemed so genuine, it stabbed Michael straight through, and he felt like the bad guy. 

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I never should have pulled him into my own bad decision. He could have ended up like me… and… I’d never want that to happen.”

“Like you?” Michael repeated, confused.

“Like the Rich you knew before everything happened in the play and my Squip shut off,” Rich clarified, eyes still focused on his shoes. “I wasn’t always like this. It changed me… and it manipulated me. And I know I let it but…” He paused for a second, running a hand through his hair half-heartedly. “It became a part of me. It became more me than… me. And when it died… there wasn’t much left.”

“So, the nerd getup,” Michael said slowly. “Is this what you wore before the Squip? Are you trying to just pick up where you left off?” Rich shrugged. “It doesn’t work like that, you know,” Michael pointed out. 

“I know that,” Rich said. “I just… I… don’t know who I’m supposed to be anymore. I thought if I just distanced myself from who I was, I’d feel better. But I don’t. This…” Rich gestured to his glasses vaguely. “... isn’t me... but I don’t know what is.” Rich sighed, slowly wrapping his arms around himself. “At least with Jeremy… I feel like I don’t have to pretend for anyone. He’s the only one I feel like a person around.”

“Oh…” Michael said, feeling a bit dumb. Sure, he knew Rich had a Squip. Logically, that meant he used to be a nerd. But it was really hard to imagine. He hadn’t considered just how much Rich’s Squip might have changed him, especially since he’d had it so long. Was that what was so different now?

“So…what kind of stuff did you used to like, then?” Michael asked, completely awkwardly. He began fidgeting with the cord of his headphones, unsure of exactly how the conversation had gotten to its current topic. 

“I dunno,” Rich mumbled. “Nerd stuff. Books. DnD.”

“You’ve played DnD?” Michael repeated, a bit taken aback. “You had nerd friends? Did you abandon them too?”

"First one's true,” Rich said, not meeting his eyes. “I just played with my older brother and his friends. Once they all skipped town, I obviously couldn't anymore. And once I made friends, I had a computer in my head and I wasn’t allowed to do something like that."

"Huh..." Michael said, considering. "Let me guess -- You were a dwarf."

"Wow,” Rich deadpanned. “I've never heard that one before. Ever."

“I’m not hearing a ‘no’.”

“I was Dungeon Master, thank you very much,” Rich said haughtily. 

“I’ve always wanted to try playing,” Michael admitted. “I’ve never had enough friends for it though. It’s always just been me and Jeremy…”

“You  _ do  _ have friends now,” Rich pointed out, all the enthusiasm leaving his voice. Michael let out a sigh and bit his lip. He did have friends, in theory. But they were Rich’s friends too, once. And now… everything was just a mess. Maybe Rich could DM for them. Maybe Jeremy was right about Rich, that there was something more to the bully than met the eye. Maybe the one person they’d been pushing away was the missing glue that would bring the group together.

Michael shook his head quickly to chase the thoughts from his head. No. That wasn’t right. Just because Rich used to be a nerd and seemed a bit lonely doesn’t erase what he did. He could have killed someone on Halloween. He’d been a constant threat to Jeremy’s self-esteem and security for far too long. Any apologies from him were too little, too late. And why would he sincerely apologize, anyway? This was Rich Goranski. He had to be lying. It had to be a trick. 

“Why did you say that you’re in love with Jeremy?” Michael demanded. “You don’t expect me to believe that, right?”

“You can believe whatever you want,” Rich responded. He paused for a minute, tilting his head and biting his lip slightly like he was trying to remember something. “Making a pattern...a unique design...that compliments him...in ways I wish to…”

“You… what? Are you speaking in riddles? What is that? Why do I know that?” Michael asked aloud.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Rich mumbled under his breath. “The poem,” he said pointedly. “The one that started this whole mess.”

“You’ve read the poem?” Michael asked.

“I wrote the poem,” Rich said. “Uh, duh!”

“You wrote the poem,” Michael said, processing. He turned on his heels and started pacing, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. “Of course you did. You guys are fucking so of course you did. Of course. It makes no fucking sense, but of course it doesn’t. Nothing does. I’m losing. My. Goddamn. Mind.”

“And we’re not, by the way.” Michael blinked and stopped in his tracks, turning his head to face Rich again.

“You’re not what?” Michael asked.

“Fucking. Banging. Doing the do. We haven’t done any of it,” Rich said. “Not that it’s any of your business, really.”

“It’s my business if it has to do with Jeremy!” Michael insisted.

“Uh...no, it’s  _ not  _ your business,” Rich said. “Jeremy is his own person. You do know that, right? That he’s a separate person?”

“Of course I know that,” Michael shot back. “And you’re lying through your teeth again. The scene we walked in on wasn’t exactly safe for work.”

“We were just kissing,” Rich shrugged. “We didn’t get to the fun part.” Then he smirked, eyes sparkling with mischief. It was like he knew he was getting under Michael’s skin and was loving every second of it. “Sorry, the  _ more  _ fun part. I love kissing Jeremy. I’d file it in my top five favorite things to do.” Rich gave a small laugh and began to slip back into his cocky, confident voice. One that was so familiar, yet slightly off. 

“You’re just looking for reasons to hate me, anyone can see that. And I’ll give you some credit–– there’s a lot of perfectly good reasons. But you can’t break up with me for Jeremy. And I have no intentions of breaking up with him. You aren’t going to change that.” Then, with a nod of satisfaction, Rich straightened his backpack and started to leave. Michael held out an arm and stopped him.

"You listen to me, Goranski,” Michael hissed. “This doesn’t change anything. You're not in the clear just because you're nicer now and everyone who likes guys has thought about you at least once."

Rich just stared at Michael blankly. 

"Uh... thank you?"

“That wasn’t a compliment.”

“Are you going to tell me to stay away from Jeremy one last time?” Rich asked, raising an eyebrow. “Because I’m not going to leave him that easily. I don’t know how to convince you that I’m not planning anything, so… I guess you’re just going to have to trust me. I would never ever hurt Jeremy. I really love him, and he’s kinda the only thing keeping me going. So… good talk or whatever. But you’re not going to scare me off.”

Michael studied Rich. He’d be lying if he said it was still reasonable to listen to the theory-prone side of his brain. Rich’s Squip was dead, and so was Jeremy’s. This was not a computer conspiracy. And Rich seemed genuine enough, even if it was really hard to admit it. 

“I don’t like you,” Michael said simply. “And I’m going to be keeping an eye on you. So… watch out. If you give me any reason to think you’re hurting Jeremy again, I’ll…” Michael realized in an instant that he didn’t have any kind of threat prepared. “I’ll… do something. Something you really won’t like.” 

“I understand,” Rich said quietly. Michael nearly did a double take. Was that really it? That was all he had to say? 

"Okay, stop it,” Michael demanded.

"Uh... stop what?" Rich asked, looking confused. 

"Stop acting like... a real fucking person! It's confusing! Can't you say something Rich-like like uh... 'Eat my ass, dumbshit'?"

"I.. uh…” Rich looking embarrassed. He looked like he knew full well that was something he would say. “I don't talk like that."

"I don't know how you talk!" With a huff, Michael turned and speed-walked back into the school. 

So, the conversation was an utter failure. He was looking for proof that Rich was up to something but… there was little evidence to back up his paranoia. Instead, he’d found the opposite. Rich really had changed and he seemed to be… genuine. Sure, Michael still didn’t like him. But he could no longer deny the fact that this Rich wasn’t the one he knew before -- he had layers and he had a nerdy side that seemed… well… really compatible with Jeremy. And though Rich was being a cocky asshole throughout most of the conversation, Michael knew that he was telling the truth. Rich was in this for real. He really was in love with Jeremy.

And that scared Michael more than any scheme he may have uncovered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter exists solely because I wanted to use one (1) joke (im not telling which bc its probably only funny to me sdkajfns) but it turned out really well in my opinion sooooo heck yeah
> 
> ^.^ extra special thanks to those of you who leave nice comments! they always always make my day and i love you all


	11. Three Little Words

Brooke still remembered the first time Rich had said those three little words to her. It felt like lifetimes ago, back when she believed she could mean something to someone. Back when she thought that she had worth outside of her role as half of a matched set. He’d helped her realize that, once. Just for a short while before he ripped it away and left her to drown in her own insecurities.

Sophomore year: They had been together for over two months and he’d never said it to her. She had been determined not to be a doormat in yet another relationship. She wasn’t going to get swept up in feelings and let another boy use them to his advantage. They’d already had sex a couple of times. They’d gotten used to each other, physically and emotionally. And yet, the connection felt one-sided. He was perpetually cold to her. 

Except for that one time. One exchange she kept close to her heart as their relationship continued through sophomore year. One she used in order to pretend that he cared when she knew that wasn’t the truth. 

They had been at Chloe’s house, following a hangout-turned-boozefest –– in a side room, just sitting in comfortable silence. She was on the bed and he was sitting next to it, finishing up a beer and grimacing as if it were hard liquor. He was quiet. Almost eerily so. Automatically, she reached down a hand and ran her fingers through his fluffy hair. He leaned into her touch a bit with a small noise of contentment. He must have been drunk, she had figured. He was never that tender, never that vulnerable. 

“We have the room to ourselves you know. You wanna come up here and have some fun?”

“...no. No thankth-uh...No thank you. I’m not really in the mood.”

  
“We can fix that, hot stuff.”

  
“Not tonight, Brooke. I’ll make it up to you.”

“…Are you bored of me? W-We can try some new things or-”

  
“No no! You’re not the problem. It’s… I’m not myself right now.” 

“...”

“You’re never the problem. If… if anything you deserve better than me. Even if I can’t say that to you normally.”

He had been lisping that night. Just like he had been doing at Jeremy’s.

“What do you mean?” she had asked. 

“You’re gorgeous, you know that? Second hottest girl in school stuff people say is bullshit. And I really wish you’d talk about yourself more often. God knows I talk more than enough. I’m sorry. I love you, ya know?”

“...you love me?”

“Y-yeah. I think so. But I don’t know if it’s good for you to love me back, Brookie.”

Then he’d jolted and passed out. 

That had been months ago. And so much had happened and changed since then… there was no good reason why something that was so insignificant was still lingering in the back of her mind. 

Brooke opened Snapchat to distract herself, idly sending quick pictures of her nail polish to her list of friends to keep up her streaks. She went down the list, metaphorically stamping down the memory of the long snapchat story she’d posted the night of the fire, where she had wrote fucking paragraphs about the incident and about Rich. It had sounded like a eulogy. It had been reposted and screenshotted. People had come running to her with sympathy and kind words. She still had streaks with some of them. 

When she reached Chloe’s name, she skipped over it. 

With a shaky hand, Brooke set down her phone and leaned against the left wall of the bathroom stall. She felt ready to collapse and considered letting herself just fall and sit on the tile floor in a small bundle. But that was gross. She still had a shred of dignity. Rich didn’t have any say in how she felt, not anymore. That’s what she told herself. Maybe if she repeated it enough, she’d start believing it. 

The more she focused on her breathing, the more she focused on the growing waver. She hated him. She hated him for what he’d said. She hated him for… whatever he was doing with Jeremy. But she hated him most for making her fall in love with him in the first place. 

Rich Goranski… Rich Goranski was a wound that was supposed to have scabbed over. She thought she was over it. She wasn’t in love with him. Not anymore. Even before Halloween, she didn’t want him back. He’d dropped her and that was it. Chloe had told her that wanting a boy back when they clearly are bored of you was pathetic. 

_“So is cheating on your boyfriend,”_ Brooke wished she could have said. _“So is making me feel like shit just so you can feel better about yourself.”_

Rich was a pathetic boyfriend too. _“Tell me before you cancel plans. Being inappropriate isn’t a compliment. Tell me how you’re feeling. For the love of god, just TALK to me.”_ She wished she could go back and say it all to him. Chloe and Rich were both just pathetic assholes. Maybe they’d be perfect for each other. Or at least they’d make more sense than Rich and Jeremy. Jeremy who was only sort of an asshole for the time they’d dated and was significantly nicer now that… he was really himself again. Jeremy and Rich had acted eerily similarly towards her… maybe it really had to do with the influence of their Squips. 

Brooke started paging through her apps, looking for a distraction when her phone started buzzing. It was Michael. 

“Shit,” she cursed. Brooke wiped carefully at a few stray tears and ducked out of the stall, into the greater part of the mall before taking the call. 

“Hello?” she asked, grateful that her voice didn’t break. 

“Hey Brooke,” Michael greeted. “Missed you at school today. You feeling okay?” Brooke nodded, pressing the phone against her cheek and starting to pace to keep her cool.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” she reassured him. “Just needed a day off. Doing some shopping.”

“Alright, Ferris Bueller,” Michael laughed. It sounded forced and fake. Michael usually didn’t call either. They didn’t even know each other super well. So, he probably needed something. Or was going to want to talk about what had happened the previous day. 

“You want to talk about Rich, right?” she asked softly. 

“If that’s okay,” Michael said. 

“Mhm. That’s…fine,” Brooke said.

“Well, if you’re sure…” Michael trailed off. He was silent for a few seconds, most likely giving her a window of opportunity to change her mind. She didn’t take it. Talking about it might be healthy or whatever.

“Yeah,” she finally said. “Shoot.”

“I talked to Rich today at school,” Michael started. That certainly piqued her interest. “And it was… really weird. I don’t even know what to make of the whole thing.”

“What do you mean?”

“Rich and Jeremy aren’t having sex,” Michael said. 

“They…” Brooke felt like her brain was buffering. “I’m sorry…say that again? What?”

“They aren’t having sex,” Michael repeated. 

“So they aren’t actually together?” Brooke asked. “Then… what was that we walked in on, exactly?”

“No, they’re together,” Michael said with a bitter laugh. “They just aren’t doing it. And as for yesterday, we just walked in, thankfully, before they really got started.”

“So…” Brooke prompted.

“So, I’m confused!” Michael said. “That doesn’t make sense! Like, if Rich and Jeremy were fuckbuddies, like… I’d get it. A bit. Like believe me, I would still _not_ be happy about it. But like… I would get it. Rich is unfortunately very good-looking and Jeremy, though I love him, is often a horny mess.”

Brooke bit her lip and thought about just how long she’d stuck it out, only enjoying Rich’s company when they were in bed together. _Pathetic._

“I just…” Michael continued. “I wanted to talk to you and ask what it was like… to date Rich. Chloe said that he didn’t treat you well, but I think you should speak for yourself. And if what Rich said was true about what she did to Jeremy, then I’m certainly not going to talk to her anymore.”

“Me neither,” she said tightly. “But yeah, I can talk about my relationship with Rich if it’d help Jeremy. I really don’t want him to be in a bad situation. He doesn’t deserve that.”

“Thanks, Brooke,” Michael said. “I just really need to get a better grasp on everything that’s happening. So… what was it like? Dating Rich? Was he an asshole, I’m guessing?”

“He was just… distant,” Brooke said decisively. “That’s the word. Distant on purpose. He’d stand me up a lot and talk over me. I guess another thing is that we never really… talked. Not about things that mattered, anyway. Our relationship… it always felt kind of artificial. That’s why… when I found out that had a computer in his head the whole time we were dating… I wasn’t really surprised.”

“You… weren’t surprised?” Michael asked.

“Well, I was,” Brooke backtracked. “Of course I was. It’s like sci-fi shit. But after learning the truth… I guess it made sense. No wonder he wouldn’t talk about his feelings or touch me unless we were fucking… I never meant anything to him. Never. I was just a fucking statistic. A move on a damn chessboard.”

Brooke was crying again, trying to block out the passing shoppers who she knew were listening in and gawking at her. 

“Because I’m just Brooke, right?” She continued, entirely powerless to stop the floodgate now that she’d let some feelings trickle out. “I’m just… Chloe but less hot and less picky. Loosey Lohst. Whatever the fuck they want to call me. They can just do the bare minimum and tell me that they love me so they can just step on my heart like its a foothold on a climbing tower to the top!”

Michael didn’t say anything as she silently heaved a few heavy breaths, wiping at her eyes. She stared down in disgust at the smudged eye makeup on her fingers. 

“I can’t tell you what dating Rich is like, Michael…” she finally said. “I never got to know him in the first place.”

“I’m sorry,” Michael said after a bit. “That you had to go through all of that. But it sounds like Jeremy really isn’t in a good situation.”

“Yeah,” Brooke said quietly. 

“Well, thank you for your help,” Michael said. “I’ll talk to Jeremy later about it. He’s probably at home taking the day off just like you and… everyone else.”

“Everyone else?” Brooke asked. Maybe she wasn’t alone. Maybe what Rich had said had affected everyone. 

“Well, I saw Jake but he didn’t look very good… and we didn’t talk or anything. But Chloe, Jeremy, Jenna, and well, you, were all out today.”

“I hope Jeremy’s okay,” Brooke said after a second.

“Yeah, me too,” Michael sighed. “I’ll talk to you later, Brooke.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

Brooke hung up the call and took a deep breath out to collect herself. She hadn’t expected to break down like that. The things she’d said were things she’d been holding in for… god knows how long. She couldn’t talk about those things to anyone back then. Rich was such a powerful, unshakable presence in her life then. That relationship had made her feel weaker and quieter than she’d ever felt before, and even months later, she still felt the scar, only barely healed on the surface of her heart. And the more she thought about it, the more she realized that Jeremy probably had feelings like that too, if he was dating Rich now. 

Brooke decided that she couldn’t wait for Michael to handle Jeremy. She had to talk to him too. She reopened snapchat to see where he was on the map, only feeling a little bit like a stalker as she did so. Apparently, she was still playing their little spy game. She couldn’t help it though — it was important.

To her surprise, Jeremy wasn’t at home. He was in the mall, albeit on the other side. That was weirdly perfect, actually. Everything with Rich was fresh in her mind, and the sooner someone helped that poor boy out of that relationship, the better. She began walking past chain stores and kiosks, glancing down at the screen every so often and hoping that he didn’t duck out of the mall before she got to him. She always silently prayed that he wasn’t on a secret date with Rich. She could deal without a dose of awkwardness and there was no way she could stand up to Rich and make him leave.

But when she finally spotted Jeremy, he was alone, just exiting a Gamestop with some unidentified video game in his hands. He looked uncomfortable and paranoid, and once again, Brooke felt guilty that she basically stalked him and was about to tell him to break up with his boyfriend for his own good. She kept walking his way, waiting for him to catch her eye so she didn’t scare him too badly. Despite her efforts, though, he still looked completely caught off guard when he saw her. 

“H-hey, Brooke,” Jeremy stuttered out, trying and failing to look casual. Then his face dropped into a grim expression. “Did you follow me here?”

“No, no,” Brooke said. “I was already here.” Jeremy nodded, still eyeing her warily. “Is Rich with you?” Brooke asked, deciding to just rip off the bandaid of awkwardness and get right to the point. Jeremy paled for a second and then frowned.

“No, just me…” he said. “But I don’t know where he is if you’re hoping to talk to him.” There was a bit of venom hidden in his tone that caught Brooke off guard. He deserved to be mad though, even if they really were just trying to help him, albeit in their misguided invasive way. The quiet space between them full of unsaid words was like a knife in her gut.

“Stress shopping is a dangerous habit to get into,” Brooke said, just to break the silence. She held up her Earthbound and American Eagle shopping bags as evidence. Jeremy still didn’t say anything, his finger slowly tracing the plastic case of the video game as he stared at her. 

“I talked to Michael earlier,” she continued. “He said you’d probably be at home, though.”

“Oh,” Jeremy said dumbly. He scratched at his head with his free hand, casting his gaze downward. “I…uh…usually would be on a bad day but… I didn’t want to be alone with…” He trailed off, biting at his lips. “…my thoughts,” he finished.

“Well, I’m here now,” Brooke pointed out. “Do you want to talk about anything?”

Jeremy didn’t make any move to address her. 

“Are you alright?” she asked. Jeremy looked back up at her, finally.

“I…I don’t know,” he said. “It’s probably nothing…but…I haven’t heard from Rich since yesterday.”

“You… what?” Brooke asked. “Have you tried to talk to him?” Jeremy let out a short noise that was probably meant to sound like a laugh. 

“I’ve been calling and texting him like ever since,” he said. “But… nothing.” He wasn’t crying — it was likely he’d done so already in the privacy of his home — but she could recognize the neglect written on his face as her own from months prior.

“He used to do that to me too,” Brooke said. “Made me feel like shit and he never gave me a reason for it.”

“He’s not like that,” Jeremy insisted. “He’s always been there for me. Always…and last night when I called him he was just angry at you guys. He said he wasn’t mad at me, but I just know that I screwed it up and now it’s _my_ fault that he’s out of the closet and he has every right to ignore me if he wants…but… yesterday he said we were going to get through it…together…”

“He was never good at keeping promises,” Brooke said.

“You don’t know him,” Jeremy said. “Rich wouldn’t… he wouldn’t do that to me. He lo-“ Jeremy cut himself off as his face fell. 

“Jeremy…”

“He said you guys weren’t going to tear us apart…” Jeremy said, almost entirely to himself. “He said ‘Fuck ‘em!’ He said that we were going to be okay…” Jeremy finally seemed to remember that Brooke was standing there and looked over at her briefly before dropping his gaze again. “He’s probably just busy.”

“Has he said it to you yet?” Brooke asked quietly. Jeremy didn’t say anything, his eyes still fixed on his shoes. 

“Said what?” he mumbled out eventually.

“I love you,” Brooke said. He visibly swallowed and shook his head. Brooke immediately knew that she wasn’t just being stupid, holding onto those words. They meant something to Jeremy too. And he hadn’t heard them yet. 

“Brooke,” Jeremy said. “N-no offense, but…I really want to be alone right now.”

“Are you going to keep calling him?” Brooke asked. Jeremy nodded.

“He wouldn’t do that to me,” Jeremy insisted. “He wouldn’t just drop me like that.”

“Jeremy…” Brooke sighed out. She carefully pulled him into a hug, which he accepted, but didn’t return. “You’re going to be okay. Probably better…without him.” Jeremy squirmed out of the hug and stared at the ground a bit longer, clearly waiting for her to leave. 

“Hey,” she said, trying to sound chipper. “Come back to school tomorrow. We’ll all be there for you. We’ll cheer you up in no time, I promise.”

“Okay,” he said.

After a bit of silence, it was clear he wasn’t going to say anything else, so she gave him on last pitying smile and turned to leave. And when she saw him with his phone to his ear in her peripheral vision, looking like he was on the verge of frustrated tears, she tried to ignore the pang in her stomach that she was walking away from a mirror. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhhhh that took forever please comment!!!! <3


	12. 17 Missed Calls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a mini chapter to check in on rich

Even after their connection in the hospital, Rich had never expected that his budding friendship with Jeremy would turn in a genuine bond, and then a new sort of romantic feeling stirring inside of him. And he never expected Jeremy to feel the same way. Not for a bully. Not for a screwup. Not for…Rich.

“Rich, I think I like you,” he had said one day as they sat behind the school away from prying eyes. He’d been nervous. Rich had been close enough to him to feel him shaking. “I… don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything but I just had to let you know.” He spat out the words like they had been begging for an escape. Rich remembered feeling overwhelmed with every emotion under the sun. He remembered wanting to ask why. And he remembered what happened next more vividly than anything.

He’d leaned closer to Jeremy, who had been reduced to an adorable bundle of nerves, Rich’s head throbbing with half-formed protests from a voice that was supposed to be gone. 

“I think I want to kiss you,” Rich had said.

“O-okay.” 

He’d traced Jeremy’s jaw and gotten in close. But then he’d hesitated. Because of course, he’d hesitated. He had been flying blind without the Squip, and he still was. He’d frozen up, suddenly realizing that he’d never kissed anyone without the Squip there and that he’d never allowed himself to want to kiss a boy before. 

“Is everything okay?” Jeremy had whispered.

“Sorry… I’m just… scared.”

“That you won’t like it?” 

“No,” Rich had said. “I’m scared because I know that I will.”

They did kiss, of course. But the fear kept eating Rich alive. Even as he lay in bed, reliving the memory, his fear overpowered his disgust at his own actions. 

Rich closed his eyes and pulled the covers over his head, trying to drown out the noise of his phone vibrating from across the room.

_Run away,_ Rich thought. _All I know how to do is hurt people and then run away._

When sleep took him over, his mind was on Jeremy, mixing phrases and images of poetry he couldn’t bear to write down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you comment i will love you forever
> 
>  
> 
> actually ill love you forever anyway but yeah sdakfbdasjkfs


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